Best Declarations of Love in Literature!

Speaking as someone who's life is in the "perpetually-romantically-challenged" category, in order to appease my romantic predilections, I must live vicariously through other means, particularly friends, movies, and, of course, books.  Recently, one of my dearest friends got engaged while away on a Banff ski week with her then boyfriend/now fiance/future ball and chain. I couldn't be happier for my friend. She's such a fantastic woman who deserves to have a really nice guy in her life. When she returned from her trip, I made her sit and regale me with the gory details of the proposal. It consisted of a mountain hike in the snow, an "untied" shoelace, a ring, and a nervous "Willyoumarryme?" declaration. While I've never been one of those girls who has a grand plan about how someone should propose marriage (ugh! why wouldn't you want to be surprised?), hiking in the snow would probably not be my first choice, but it's a very sweet story.

It started me thinking about all the declarations of love that I've read over the years and there have been hundreds upon hundreds. I wanted to pick out the ones that I think are the best of the best. This is not an easy task, but here's my list of the top declarations in love in literature. You'll notice that a couple are the same as my favorite weepy movies.  These are in order of publication.

1. Much Ado About Nothing (~1598) by William Shakespeare.  Benedict [to Beatrice]: "I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?"  (A few lines of dialogue later) Beatrice [to Benedict]: "I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest."
2. Pride and Prejudice (1813) by Jane Austen. Darcy [to Elizabeth]: "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." Of course, after that quote, Darcy then completely screwed up the proposal by telling Elizabeth that she was inferior to him.  Fortunately, it all worked out in the end.  Darcy: "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever." 
3. Persuasion (1818) by Jane Austen. Frederick [to Anne]: "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you."
4. Jane Eyre (1847) by Charlotte Bronte. Rochester [to Jane]: "I have for the first time found what I can truly love--I have found you. You are my sympathy--my better self--my good angel.  I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you, and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one."
5. Doctor Zhivago (1957) by Boris Pasternak. Yuri Zhivago [to Lara]: "You and I, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to earth together, to see if we know what we were taught."
6. Love in the Time of Cholera (1985/1988) by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Florentino [to Fermina]: "I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century, to repeat to you once again my vow of eternal fidelity and everlasting love."

All such beautiful words. Did I miss your all-time favorite declaration of love from literature?  Let me know!

A Message From the Great Beyond?

What's your opinion on spiritualism?  I've never been much into it except as a laugh. I occasionally read my horoscope, but never put any stock in it. When I was in my mid-20s, I went through an occult fascination which included candle rituals, Ouija boards, crystals, etc., which amounted to a lot of wasted money, time and energy. In the early 2000s, I would watch Crossing Over with John Edward because I was fascinated with figuring out how he did what he did. I assumed that there had to be some sort of trick about it. Just last summer, a friend dragged me down to Salem where we individually had our tarot cards read by a "psychic".  What a crock and a waste of $60! But we did have fun. Yes, I have a healthy dose of skepticism about spiritualism. I'm not saying it doesn't exist, I'm just not a strong believer.

You may be asking why I'm bringing this up. Well, I had a strange experience this morning that has been weighing on my mind all day. April 9th will mark the third anniversary of the death of a friend and former colleague, Dan. Dan was one of those amazingly special people who treated everyone like they were a close friend. He was always there for a laugh or a shoulder to cry.  He rarely (if ever) had a bad word for anybody and he was a completely genuine and honest person. What's even more amazing is that he was one of the best sales reps at my former company. One doesn't usually equate a genuine, kind, honest person with successful sales. (Yes, most sales reps are con artists and liars.) Dan was indeed a special, much loved and missed person. Those of us for whom Dan considered a friend were fortunate indeed.

Early this morning, I had the strangest dream about Dan. I don't remember the particulars of this dream because as I mentioned in my January dreams post, dreamers forget 90% of their dreams. What I do remember is Dan told me the following: "Sandi, I really hate being dead. It sucks."  I swear - those are direct quotes.  I'm guessing that the afterlife is not harps, clouds, and pearly gates. Now did Dan actually come to me in a dream?  <shrugs> I don't know for sure. Although it felt very real, but dreams are like that. Could it have been my own subconscious sending me a message? Most likely.  I just know that Dan or my subconscious has a message for us all:

Being dead sucks, Film at 11.  

Yeah, okay, I guess it's not such a riveting message and I'm not certain why I received this message, but in honor of my dear friend Dan, I thought I'd pass it along.  RIP, sunshine. You are missed!

"Upstate" - Good for Some, But Not for All!

If you want to talk classic novels, I'm all over that!  Modern pop fiction? Bring it on.  Young adult? Erm, welllll, I'm not as strong with that category - unless it's Harry Potter. That's a pretty bad statement for a high school English teacher. Due to this deficiency, my colleagues constantly either give me recommendations or the actual books to read. My English content coach suggested I read Kalisha Buckhanon's freshman novel, Upstate - not to teach to my classes, but just as a reference for books and themes which might appeal to them.  

Synopsis: "Upstate is a powerful story told through letters between seventeen-year-old Antonio and his sixteen-year-old girlfriend, Natasha, set in the 1990's in New York. Antonio and Natasha's world is turned upside down, and their young love is put to the test, when Antonio finds himself in jail, accused of a shocking crime. Antonio fights to stay alive on the inside, while on the outside, Natasha faces choices that will change her life. Over the course of a decade, they share a desperate correspondence. Often, they have only each other to turn to as life takes them down separate paths and leaves them wondering if they will ever find their way back together." (Amazon.com)

Review:  The novel opens with the following sentence:

"Baby, the first thing I need to know from you is do you believe I killed my father?"  

An extremely engaging opening and yet, I could not finish the novel. Generally speaking, I don't like to give reviews of novels that I haven't finished, but I'm going to make an exception this time and you'll see why.  Let me start by saying that this novel is well-written and, for the right reader, it's a powerful and compelling book.  Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. This book is written with a specific target audience in mind, which is perfectly fine. Written in ghetto-speak, Upstate appeals to the inner city teenager who understands poverty, drugs, the criminal justice system, welfare, teenage love, sexual awakening, etc. For a middle-aged, middle-class, white woman, I found it very difficult to connect to this world and these two characters.  Because I wanted to try to finish this book, I pushed myself through half of the story before giving up.  Although, I did spot read a few of the later letters. Overall, if you know of some inner city teens, this novel is a great recommendation. They would devour the book. A word of warning: it's very sexually explicit which doesn't offend me but it's a little too graphic for my tastes.  Not a book I would recommend for readers under 16.

Rating: 4 out 5 stars for a YA, 2 out of 5 for me.

More Must See Brit TV!

Yes, I have a mild obsession with British television - mostly because it is superior to the rubbish that comes out of Hollywood. Here's an additional list of programmes that you must watch if you are a fan of British television/humour. If you're not a fan, then move along - nothing to see here. Most of these suggestions I forgot to list in my previous two posts; a couple shows are ones that I couldn't fit into the comedies or dramas categories.  

1. A Bit of Fry & Laurie (1987-1995): It is inexcusable that I neglected to mention this show in my Brit comedies post.  I should be flogged for it. This sketch comedy show stars the comedic geniuses of Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie. In the great tradition of so many comedy duos before them (Burns and Allen, Abbot and Costello, Tom and Jerry, etc.), Fry and Laurie's programme consists of several small sketches over the course of the episode. Each and every sketch is a riot. Hugh: "Then I was Princess Anne's assistant for a while, but I chucked that in because it was obvious they were never going to make me Princess Anne, no matter how well I did the job. It was a question of who you were, rather than how well you did, you know, and I hate that." (See the video below for one of my favorite moments.)
2. Top Gear (2002-Present):  If you can't tell from the title, Top Gear is a car show, but it's not just a show for gearheads. Yes, it probably helps to have some interest in automobiles, but it's not a necessity.  The show's presenters are Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, and James May and they are just stunningly funny.  Jeremy Clarkson: "If this were America, it would be full of people doing... whatever it is they do. Incest, mostly, I think."
3. Shaun the Sheep (2007-Present): Yes, it is "technically" a children's show, but I think it's laugh out loud funny. As with many children's programmes, this show has humour that is clearly for the adults who are watching. From the creator of Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run (Nick Park), this stop-motion, claymation series tells the woolly misadventures of Shaun (a sheep) down on the farm with all of his barnyard friends. Shaun made his first appearance in Wallace and Gromit's, A Close Shave, before branching off into his very own series. Well done, Shaun! There is no spoken dialogue, even from the human characters. The stories are told with simple grunts, bleats, and sighs which speak volumes.
4. Coupling (2000-2004): At the suggestion of a couple of friends, I spent most of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday watching all four seasons of this bitingly funny show and it was time well spent. Okay, truth be told - it was a complete waste of time but I don't regret the wasted time, because it was such an uproariously fantastic way to fritter away the time!  Coupling is one of the funniest sitcoms that I have seen in ages - other than The Big Bang Theory. This show "centres on the dating and sexual adventures and mishaps of six friends in their thirties, often depicting the three women and the three men each talking among themselves about the same events, but in entirely different terms". (Wikipedia) DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW ON NETFLIX. Watch it on Hulu.  For some reason, Netflix cuts 6 minutes off each show; something I did not discover until partway through the second season. <grrrr> Jeff: "When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name!'"
5. Wallander (2008-Present):  Again, how I could forget to list this show is beyond me. Starring the brilliant actor/director (and my imaginary boyfriend) Kenneth Branagh and filmed on location in Sweden, this crime drama follows the life of a brooding and bitter chief inspector of Ystad, Sweden, Kurt Wallander who investigates some of the most heinous crimes imaginable. The show is based on books written by Swedish novelist, Henning Mankill.  Kurt Wallander: [to child prostitute pimp] "A while back this young fellow was sitting in the chair you're in now. He had read the lists of those who had died in the tsunami in Asia. He got hold of the address of one of the families affected. Know what he did? He broke into the house and stole anything of any value. But before he left, guess what he did? He turned all the taps on full blast all over the house. When I saw him sitting across from me, I thought... 'this is the most despicable and pathetic person I have ever met.' Only now I know better."

This posting might be the last on my British television watching habits... but then again, maybe not.  Give these programmes a shot.  They are amazing.

I just had to include this video of Hugh Laurie singing one of my favourite songs from A Bit of Fry & Laurie.  I dare you not to laugh! I've seen this video dozens of times and still laugh my head off. If you want to see an updated version, check out this video from when Hugh appeared on Inside the Actors Studio in 2006.

News Flash: Women Talk More Than Men!

NNNNNNOOOOOOO! I'm sure everyone is shocked by the above statement. This morning, I was watching one of those annoying morning news programs which featured the following report: "Women talk more than men ... according to studies, the average woman speaks approximately 20,000 words in a day, which is about 13,000 more than the average man." The apparent reason behind this difference is a "language" protein called FOXP2, which women possess at higher levels than men. (See the full news article at Science World Report.) That report prompted me to do some research.  I located a study from 2007 which reported that men speak just as much as women.  Erm, well which is it?  Do women talk more than men or not? 

Personally, I'm not certain women talk more than men, I just think we have more intelligent things to say and therefore it seems like we talk more. Oh, snap. Anyway: Ladies, next time the man in your life complains about how much you talk, tell him that we are genetically predisposed to talking and they'll just have to get over it.

All joking aside, I think that it depends on the situation on which gender talks more and perhaps it's not as straightforward as these reports seem to indicate. Then again, is anything ever straightforward? But it is interesting.

Have You Ever Been Bullied?

If you have, then this video will speak to you!  If you haven't, then consider yourself lucky - or perhaps you were the bully. I'm starting a unit on bullying with two of my class next week and intend to show them this video. In a mere 7½ minutes, Shane Koyczan sums up the pain of being on the receiving end of bullying. It's incredibly moving:

I can't add any more to what Shane Koyczan's video relays. If you have children in your life, remember to talk to them about the effects of bullying! Speaking as someone who experienced it firsthand, bullying can have a lifelong impact on the receiver!

Ever Meet "The Suicide Collectors"?

I assume you haven't because they are the figment of the imagination of author David Oppegaard. As I was perusing through the shelves of my local library yesterday, I was in search of something interesting to read and came upon the novel, The Suicide Collectors. The title intrigued me. I read the synopsis and decided to bring the novel home with me. I started reading it earlier today and after about 5 hours of straight reading, I closed the book and shuttered at the thought of Oppegaard's world!

Synopsis: "The Despair has plagued the earth for five years. Most of the world’s population has inexplicably died by its own hand, and the few survivors struggle to remain alive. A mysterious, shadowy group called the Collectors has emerged, inevitably appearing to remove the bodies of the dead. But in the crumbling state of Florida, a man named Norman takes an unprecedented stand against the Collectors, propelling him on a journey across North America. It’s rumored a scientist in Seattle is working on a cure for the Despair, but in a world ruled by death, it won’t be easy to get there." (Amazon.com)

Review:  David Oppegaard's The Suicide Collectors is a very impressive first novel, so much so that it was nominated for the prestigious Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a First Novel. While it falls into a well known sci-fi sub-category of post-apocalyptic fiction (that of the road trip across a once-familiar country devastated by some catastrophe), Oppegaard makes it all fresh with memorable characters and with a unique and highly original premise for the devastation. The author's style reads quite well and the pace never lags. You come to care about the main characters, and the landscape is presented in a highly visual way so that you truly feel immersed in the world and in everything that is happening. Many reviewers of this novel praise the overall story but find the ending to be anti-climatic.  I think that's the reason that I liked the ending. It was unconventional in which the climax of the story actually happens off-screen. It makes for a nice change. There are hundreds of well-written post-apocalyptic novels (i.e., The Walking Dead, I Am Legend, The Handmaid's Tale, The Hunger Games trilogy, etc.) and this novel ranks among them.  A fast and engrossing read!

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The Best of British TV Dramas

In reviewing my favourite British TV dramas, I decided that I couldn't create recommendations based on genre as I don't have that many different genres of dramas that I watch. Therefore, my recommendations are the dramas that I adore and continually re-watch, therefore the categories are quite a mish-mash. There aren't many (if any) surprises on this list and most of my readers could probably have guessed these recommendations.

Without further ado, here are my top picks for British TV dramas:

1. Doctor Who (1963-Present): First, let me say that I have not been watching Doctor Who since 1963 (I'm old, but not THAT old!). I didn't even know about the show until its 2005 reincarnation. Consequently, I have only watched a handful of the pre-2005 shows, but the series relaunch in 2005 is sheer brilliance. Although, right now I limit my watching of the show because it has taken a slight downturn since Matt Smith took over the role of The Doctor (in my opinion). I'm not certain if it's entirely Matt Smith's fault or a combination of him and the change in the production staff that occurred at the same time. But it still ranks as one of the best British television sci-fi dramas. Tenth Doctor: "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually — from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint — it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff."
2. Torchwood (2006-Present): Currently on an indefinite hiatus, Torchwood is a sci-fi spin-off of the reincarnated Doctor Who. Torchwood Institute is a secret organization founded by the British Crown (Queen Victoria to be exact). The members of the Torchwood fight to protect the Earth from extraterrestrial and supernatural threats. Torchwood is a more adult version of Doctor Who - it's a lot randier. Captain Jack Harkness: "Tosh was right - she went straight for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young; work your way through my back catalogue, we'll be here till the Sun explodes."
3. Sherlock (2010-Present):  This modern update finds the famous sleuth and his doctor partner solving crime in 21st century London. Sadly, only 6 episodes have been produced and it appears the show will end after season 3 with a total of 9 episodes. This much-heralded show is fantastic but the actors' commitments to other projects will probably cause the show to have a early demise. Sherlock: "We've got ourselves a serial killer. Love those - there's always something to look forward to."
4. MI-5 (aka Spooks) (2002-2011): The series follows the work of a group of MI5 officers based at the service's Thames House headquarters, in a highly secure suite of offices known as The Grid. Originally starring one of my favourite actors, Matthew MacFadyen, this show is a thrilling crime drama. Colin Wells: "Didn't we bug this suite when Bill Clinton used it?" Malcolm Wynn-Jones: "We did." Colin Wells:  "Happy days!"
5. Downton Abbey (2010-Present):  I think perhaps most people are aware of this brilliant series, but in case you're not: set in the fictional Yorkshire country estate of Downton Abbey, the show depicts the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants in the post-Edwardian era - with the great events in history having an effect on their lives and on the British social hierarchy. Although I am uncertain how the next season of the show will be due to the turn of events at the end of the last season, but I am willing to give it a go when the next season starts. Lady Grantham: "Last night! He looked so well. Of course it would happen to a foreigner. No Englishman would dream of dying in someone else's house."

As always, I have a few honourable mentions: Wire in the Blood, Primeval, Doc Martin, At Home with the Braithwaites, and Survivors.

Don't worry!  I didn't forget about the great mini-series that are continually and excellently produced out of the UK. Pride and Prejudice, Bleak House, Little Dorrit, and North & South are my top picks for British mini-series. Yeah, I love well written, beautifully directed and wonderfully acted period dramas based on my favourite 19th century British literature. It's the hopeless romantic in me. I have to figure out a way to get rid of that stupid bitch!  :-)

Do You Cheat on Your Favorite Starbucks?

Weird question, I know, but I heard a funny conversation today and it got me thinking about that question. The conversation occurred between two men as I was leaving my local Starbucks. One man said: "Yeah, it's an okay store, but I prefer to go to my regular Starbucks. It's just better." The other man concurred with the first man. I had to laugh because - honestly - is one Starbucks that dramatically different than others? Not really, but people (myself included) tend to favor one Starbucks store over another and we almost feel like we're cheating on them if we go to a different location.  Never mind if we patronize a different type of coffee/tea shop (i.e., Dunkin' Donuts, etc.).

I am a regular customer at the Starbucks in Newburyport.  When I walk in, every barista there knows me and knows my order.  Some staff members have taken to calling my order the "Triple No Chai" (grande, non-fat, no water, no foam chai). But approximately once a week, I go to another Starbucks (in Boston) when I'm down there for class and I feel ever so slightly guilty that I'm not at my regular store. Also, while the Boston location has a very friendly and courteous staff, they don't know me or my order. It's just that extra nicety that comes with going to one's "usual" location.  I guess I agree with the earlier conversation but I still think it's really, really funny!

So have you ever cheated on your Starbucks store?

Do You Enjoy Brit Humour? Watch These Shows...

To be honest, I've always thought that I was born in the wrong country.  I love America but I feel such a strong affinity for another country - England - that I swear I must have lived there in another lifetime.  My ultimate desire would be to move "back home" to England, but there is such a small chance of that happening that I've nearly given up hope. So what do I do to simulate living in England - I drive on the left hand side, I spell words with extras u's, I frequently use British colloquialisms to the confusion of many, and I watch a lot of British television. British television is fantastic and I thought I'd share some recommendations of my favourite British shows; starting with my all-time best-loved comedies:

1. Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969-1974):  I find it hard to believe that there are people in this world who have never heard of The Pythons, but I suppose it's possible.  In my opinion, The Pythons are the best sketch comedy troupe of all time. Yes, I love the original Not Yet Ready for Primetime Players, but SNL cannot hold a candle to The Pythons. I still howl at their sketches.  Customer: "'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!  THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"  [Probably my favourite sketch - see below!]
2. Father Ted (1995-1998): This crazy sitcom is about three priests and their housekeeper who live on a remote island (fictional Craggy Island) off Ireland's west coast, but it is anything but peaceful and quiet. The three priest have been banished to the island for various transgressions and as a result, hilarity ensues.  Father Ted: "Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!"
3. Absolutely Fabulous (1992-2012): Take a heavy-drinking drug-abusing PR agent, add her straight-laced, serious daughter, mix in an alcoholic, drug abuser magazine editor and what do you get? One of the funniest sitcoms I have ever seen! Yes, the two lead characters (Edina and Patsy) have no redeeming qualities, but they are a laugh riot!  Eddie: "Had two husbands, one was too short - one was gay. Still sweetie if you want to know how to peck a dwarf on the cheek as he's walking out of the house to the disco in your dress, then I'm your girl."
4. Black Books (2000-2004): Meet Bernard Black. Anti-social, chain-smoking, heavy drinking Bernard runs his own bookshop even though he doesn't much like people who buy books and hates having customers. Next door to Bernard's shop is the Nifty Gifty gift shop run by Fran, Bernard's only friend and drinking companion. When Bernard's accountant goes on the run Bernard employs stress victim, Manny to help in his shop. This leads to a series of surreal adventures around the shop. Bernard: [selling a book]  "Enjoy. It's dreadful, but quite short."
5. Blackadder (1983-1989):  I'm not certain how to explain Blackadder.  Set in various eras, the series follows the misfortunes of Edmund Blackadder, who in each series is a member of a British family who is present at many significant periods and places in British history. Starring comic genius Rowan Atkinson, this series is a scream.  Blackadder: "Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market."

As with some of my other entertainment recommendations, coming up with only 5 suggestions was brutal. Naturally, I need to give you some honourable mentions:  The Office (the UK version is a hundred times funnier than the US), Are You Being Served?, The IT Crowd, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, The Inbetweeners, My Family, and Fawlty Towers.  If you like British humour, then you will love these shows.  If not, give them a try anyway.  They're really terribly funny!

Here's the Dead Parrot Sketch:

Updated; 2/17/13, 5:56pm:  At the insistence of a friend (see comments), I spent most of today watching Coupling.  You can definitely add this to the list of Must See Brit TV. It can be streamed on Netflix and Hulu. Although, I would recommend Hulu due to the fact that Netflix cuts about 6 minutes from each show.  Why??  Don't know.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize this fact until I was partway through Season 2. I now feel compelled to go back and re-watch the episodes.

An Avalanche of Books - What a Way to Go!

Today, as I brought home yet another book, I suddenly remembered the story about the Collyer Brothers. For those of you who don't know the story: Homer and Langley Collyer were two eccentric recluses who "became famous for their bizarre nature and compulsive hoarding". (Wikipedia)  These brothers obsessively collected a wide array of items: books, musical instruments, furniture, and other strange items. They created booby traps in their Manhattan brownstone and created a huge labyrinth of tunnels made from piles of old newspapers. Yeah, they were what psychologists call "batshit crazy". Or maybe that's just my terminology for it. After their death, it was discovered that they had well over 140 tons of collected items including 25,000 books!

Consequently, as I'm bringing in yet another book, I flashed upon my death in about 30 years - being buried under an avalanche of books.  All in all, I suppose there are worse ways to go.  Of course, my fear if that does happen, by that time I will have 30 cats who will then feed off of my rotting corpse.  Yeah, okay, can you tell I really like Edgar Allan Poe?  That's totally something he would have written. But that image will not deter me from the purchase of books. Avalanche be damned.

If you have some time, read the entire Collyer Brothers' story.  It's truly fascinating, including the fact that their parents were first cousins! Yuck! A gallery of pictures of the Collyer brownstone can be found here.  Below is one of the photos from when the policy broke into the house in 1947.

Career Change: Students Are Watching...What?!?!

I spent most of the past two days venting my ire to anyone who would listen over a decision that was mandated to all teachers.  As a "reward", the students watched a movie during the last two periods of the day today. Errrrmmm...  What?!?!?  Ooookay. What movie?  The Amazing Spider-Man (2012). Errrrmmm... WHAT?!?!? When I questioned this decision, I was told that as we wouldn't get any work out of our students anyway [this being the last day before February break], we might as well show them a movie. Errrrmmm... WHAT?!?!?  Are we a school or aren't we?  Are we supposed to be holding our students to high standards or aren't we?  I must say I was really ticked off over this!  

Okay, fine! If you want to give the students a "reward" for whatever reason, at least make it an academic/educational movie.  The Amazing Spider-Man?  WTF!!  As a full 50% of my students are currently failing because they have decided not to do any work, I don't think they actually deserve a "reward".  Besides that, do you think the highest ranked schools in Massachusetts (i.e., Belmont, Boston Latin, Hopkinton, Sturgis, Wellesley, etc.) are showing their students a blockbuster movie the day before the students leave for winter break?  Are those top schools showing their students ANY movie...ever!?  

When I asked a decision maker about the movie choice, he said that it was decided that they wanted a recent movie release.  Then when I said, "why didn't we show some sort of academic based movie?"  The response I got was: "Like what?" [Gah! I was ostensibly talking to an educator!]  My response: "Oh, how about Bully, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, The Diary of Anne Frank..."  I continued to list about 10 different academic movies to which he responded:  "Well why didn't you suggest them?"  Ummm, because no one asked any teacher for their input.  Personally, I would have said that we should hold our students to higher standards and MAKE them do actual work instead of "rewarding" them.  But perhaps that's just me.  After all, why should we be teaching our students when movies are just so much easier?  <head exploding - brains everywhere!>  Yeah, it has been a craptacular week!  

Yet Another Ridiculous Hallmark Holiday!

Bah hahahahaha!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I LOATHE VALENTINE'S DAY!  And all other Hallmark holidays which serve to only make single people feel inadequate and people in relationships to spend money on empty, pointless crap.  Much as I hate this holiday, it was even worse this year than previous years. Why? Try working with teenagers who think that this holiday is the be all and end all holiday. It made the day ten times worse than any other year!  They run around school giving over-sized stuffed animals, love cards, chocolates, flowers, etc. Declaring their "everlasting love" (at the ages of 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, etc.). Plus I had to deal with one female student whose boyfriend decided to break up with her... yesterday.  She spent most of my class in a funk and on the edge of tears because they put so much emphasis on this nasty, horrendous day.  Most likely, the boy couldn't afford to buy her something so decided to break up with her instead. Seriously? This is the all important loving holiday.  Meh!

There was a tweet I saw which read: "Why program couples into thinking Feb 14 is the only day they can express their feelings to 1 another?"  Perhaps people should try being honest and loving on a daily basis, instead of annually! Don't think that my feelings about this holiday would change if I had a significant other.  It wouldn't.  I'm completely accepting of my singledom and have been for at least a decade...or two.  It's the insane expectations that this holiday brings on everyone that I take issue with.

In protest of this day, I wore all black to show my complete disgust and disregard for this dumb holiday.  I had to suffer through countless wishes of "Happy Valentine's Day, Miss".  Bah, humbug! Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory has the perfect solution:

Bats in my Belfry? Not Quite...

Kind of a cute little thing!

Tonight, as I got home from Boston, I discovered a cute little tiny bat had managed to make its way into my dwelling.  It was hanging right over the bathroom door. <sigh>  Not exactly something I wanted to deal with at 9:30 at night.  At the suggestion of a couple of people, I tried calling the police, but it's considered a private matter, so they suggested I call a private pest company.  That person was a jerk and blew me off - saying for me to call animal control in the morning. Yeah, like I have time for that! 

Because the little critter was just hanging over the door not moving, I thought about how I could take care of this issue myself.  It turned out to be very simple.  I got a box and covered the little bugger.  I gave the box a little shake and felt the bat move into the box.  I then opened the window that was right next to the bathroom door and quickly swung the box down and tossed the bat out the window.  Voila!  Task complete.

All it took was a little ingenuity and calmness. See, like I said - I only need a man for one thing!

Fate, Free Will, Chaos or the Supernatural...

What are the forces that control our lives?

The theme for my English 4 class this year is "Fate, Free Will, Chaos, or the Supernatural".  For each text that we read in the class, we try to decide which of these four forces the characters' stories fall into. For instance, with The Tragedy of Othello: my students decided that Othello's life was determined by fate but only because of the decisions (free will) of Iago. I don't entirely agree with my students. Due to the fact that I have spent the past few months delving into these subjects with my seniors, I have had a lot of time to think about these forces and they're particular impact in our world. If you had asked me before last September which of these four subjects I believed held the most influence on our personal lives, I would have said "free will".  I have changed my mind.  

Just to remind everyone:

• Fate: things happen because there were meant to happen;
• Free Will:  things happen because we make them happen;
• Chaos:  things happen randomly, for no reason; and
• Supernatural: there is a god or other higher power that controls the world.

So which of these forces to I believe control our lives?  Immediately, I can cross supernatural off the list, as I don't believe in a higher power and certainly not one that controls my life. Others disagree and that is their right. Fate is just a crappy cop out. Blaming everything on fate or a supernatural being is too easy. I've already said that I used to believe it was strictly free will, but no longer.  Which leaves us with chaos.

Do I say chaos is what controls the world? Sort of.  I actually believe our lives are controlled by a mix of chaos and free will.  Why do I say that?  Simple! My life seems to follow a random, chaotic path, but is often at the mercy of another person's free will. There is no rhyme or reason for what goes on in life. We cannot control events, any more than we can control whether it will rain tomorrow. Because we cannot control things, there is no point in worrying about them. If it rains, get an umbrella; if it’s sunny, get some sunscreen. There will always be violence in the world and I cannot change that. These thoughts can best be summed up by Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park) - I love Jeff Goldblum:

If we go back to my example of Othello, it is Iago's free will which caused chaos in Othello's life, not fate - which is how it works in my life.  The free will of one individual can absolutely cause chaos for someone else. To sum up, I believe our lives are a combination of free will and chaos, leaning heavily on the chaos side!

Do you agree or disagree?  Let's discuss.

"The Marbury Lens" is Grippingly Real!

Due to the dumping of nearly 2 feet of snow in my town, I had some free time this past weekend to get some reading accomplished. I finished a couple of different books, for which I will eventually write reviews.  Let's start with...

At the suggestion of a colleague, I picked up The Marbury Lens by Andrew Smith from my local library on the thoughts that I might introduce this book to my English 3 Honors class. What I found was a book with graphic imagery of attempted rape, murder, cannibalism, sexual content, drug use, and underage drinking, and yet, I really enjoyed... hmmm... maybe "enjoyed" is the wrong word here. I found the book riveting and disturbing!

Synopsis: "Sixteen-year-old Jack gets drunk and is in the wrong place at the wrong time. He is kidnapped. He escapes, narrowly. The only person he tells is his best friend, Conner. When they arrive in London as planned for summer break, a stranger hands Jack a pair of glasses. Through the lenses, he sees another world called Marbury. There is war in Marbury. It is a desolate and murderous place where Jack is responsible for the survival of two younger boys. Conner is there, too. But he’s trying to kill them. Meanwhile, Jack is falling in love with an English girl, and afraid he’s losing his mind. Conner tells Jack it’s going to be okay. But it’s not." (Book jacket)

Review:  This book is not for the faint of heart. The novel starts out with a bang - within the first few chapters, the protagonist, John ("Jack") Wynn Whitmore is forced to deal with a kidnapping and near rape at the hands of a murdering psychopath. As the story progresses, the reader is taken deeper and deeper into the world of a teenager who struggles to regain a sense of self, and his attempt to repair the growing crack in his reality. As the reader slides deeper into the story, one discovers what it means to be a victim or a fighter, and what it takes to transition from the former to the latter. Hidden within a riveting, fast-paced story is a deep level of psychological analysis.

The novel focuses on Jack's struggle to escape the role of victim he was forced into, and the attempt to defeat the side of him that is convinced he somehow deserved the trauma. It is about Jack's desperate fight to break out of the paralyzing and addictive state of mind that accompanies victimhood, and to become a strong, self-reliant person. The fantastical element of the Marbury lens being a portal into a parallel universe, where the world's malignance and brutality are laid bare instead of hidden as it is in ours, and where Jack is a warrior and protector instead of a frightened boy, is masterfully crafted and well delivered.

This book is listed as a Young Adult book which generally means ages 12 and older.  Personally, I would only recommend this book for ages 16 and older, as it is quite graphic. Also, due to the graphic nature and the exorbitant amount of f-bombs laced throughout the story, I probably will not be teaching this book in my class. Not that my students would be shocked or surprised by any of the content, but the school administration would most likely frown on my teaching this novel and I would like to keep my job. But I would recommend the novel for my students to read independently.

As I said, this novel is not for the squeamish.  It contains very disturbing images and although I'm glad that I read the novel, I probably would not want to read again. Smith has written a sequel, Passenger, which was released late last year. I'm on the fence on whether or not I will read it. From all accounts, it's even more graphic and disturbing than The Marbury Lens. I'm not certain that I want to continue swimming in that grotesque pool of misery, no matter how well written.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Best Family Movies...

Time to continue my movie recommendations - this time the best family movies.  Now, I don't have a family but I enjoy a good family movie just the same.  So whether or not you have a family, here are my picks for good family fun... or just fun without the family.  I had to go with my top 6 movies simply because I couldn't decide on the top 5.

1. The Goonies (1985): This is one of those movies that any time it's on, I have to stop and watch it.  Written by the inimitable Steven Spielberg, directed by the amazing Richard Donner and starring one of my favorite actors, Sean Astin, this movie is a fun adventure. Mikey: "Goonies never say die!"
2. Chicken Run (2000): While perhaps this movie could be characterized as an animated film, I'm including it on this list due to it being a stop-motion claymation and not a straight up animated movie. This movie features a whole host of some of my favorite British actors: Jane Horrocks, Miranda Richardson, Julia Sawalha, Imeda Staunton, Timothy Spall... oh, and add in the bizarre, yet talented, Mel Gibson.  From the creators of one of the best British series, Wallace and Gromit, Peter Lord and Nick Park, Chicken Run never fails to charm.  Fowler: "Pushy Americans, always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed, and over here."
3. The Wizard of Oz (1939):  Another movie that I must watch at least once a year.  Being a musical, many people shun this movie, but I still say this movie will always be considered one of the best family movies ever created - starring the legendary Judy Garland and nominated for 6 Academy Awards (winner of 2). Wicked Witch of the West: "The last to go will see the first three go before her. And her little dog too." 
4. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971): Yes, another movie musical, but it must be included in my list if for no other reason than the performance by Gene Wilder in the titular role.  He gives a brilliant performance. Willy Wonka: "The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last."
5. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982): It's interesting how often Steven Spielberg ends up on my lists.  Yeah, it's because he's a genius in the film industry.  Yet another hit for Mr. Spielberg, this movie is just incredibly charming and also has made the sales of Reese's Pieces triple. Talk about product placement! Additionally, it features a really great cast: Dee Wallace, Peter Coyote, Henry Thomas, C. Thomas Howell, and an incredibly young, Drew Barrymore.  Michael: "We're all going to die and they're never going to give me my license!"
6. The Princess Bride (1987): I love, love, love this movie.  The cast has some of the most talented performers: Mandy Patinkin, Cary Elwes, Christopher Guest, Billy Crystal, Peter Falk, Frank Savage, Chris Sarandon, Carol Kane, Wallace Shawn and Robin Wright.  Wow!  Incredible cast.  Directed by Rob Reiner, I am always charmed by this movie.  Inigo Montoya:  "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."  (I know this line is probably the most over quoted line but it's also one of the best!)

Honorable mentions:  Adventures in Babysitting (1987), Freaky Friday (1976), The Parent Trap (1998), and all of the Harry Potter movies.  A blizzard filled weekend is the perfect time for family movie night!  Enjoy some of these movies! I think I'll go watch Chicken Run.

SNOW! ARGH!

Wow, I am experiencing my first New England blizzard. Ummmmmm, not fun is certainly an understatement. Now don't get me wrong. I am extremely familiar with blizzards - mostly while living in Manhattan where I had the joy of not having to deal with digging out from it. Getting rid of the snow was the landlord's issue. Additionally, the subway nearly always kept running; therefore, as long as I could walk through the streets, I could get where I needed to go, but times have changed.

This morning, I went out to start digging out from Blizzard Nemo and was met with a wall of snow.  I took a deep breath and started digging... and digging... and digging.  When I paused after digging out a good portion of the sidewalk, I looked behind me and there was already a half inch of snow right where I had dug. Argh! I finally managed to dig my way to where I had parked my car and what did I find? My car buried under 3 feet of snow (see photo below). As I stood there looking, I thought to myself, "How the <bleep> will I get my car out?! There's 3 feet depth, 10 feet width and 5 feet length of snow between my car and the road that I need to dig out! WTF!  I need to dig this out before Monday morning." Yeah, it was a long and frustrating conversation.

My new car is buried somewhere
under all that white crap!

I went back out 2 hours later (it was still snowing) and start digging some more. I did manage to get a path cleared to my driver's side door but there was still a ton of snow piled on top of the car and even more from the front bumper to the street that needs clearing. Ugh! It's days like today that I think about moving to warmer climes.  My plan is to head out every 2 hours between the rest of today and tomorrow and just gradually clear the snow.  The biggest headache: where to put the snow?? Because I live in town, there's no place to put it. Those of you who live in the 'burbs and have laws and garages, consider yourself lucky!

Update at 3:00pm Saturday:  I have the best next door neighbors.  As I went out to dig out my car, my neighbors had already dug about 80% of the snow and I just had to finish up. Got to love small town America where people still help others.  Of course, I had cleared their sidewalk earlier so...  

Update 9:00 am Sunday: It took awhile but the car is free!

There used to be a car right there.

How Long is Too Long for Holiday Decorations?

This might be the only
acceptable holiday lights!

On my way home from school Thursday night, I started noticing a disturbing trend around my town - Holiday lights are still up and being lit! Consequently, my question is: how long is too long to still have holiday lights and decorations up?  

I believe if President's Day is just around the corner, stop lighting the lights. If you're heading out to celebrate St. Patrick's Day, you are long overdue in taking the lights down. It's borderline demented, if you're planning your 4th of July picnic and still looking at the angel on the top of your tree!

I've written before my loathing of "The Holidays", therefore when people extend the holidays well past reason, it is beyond irritating. I suffer through December and early January looking at lights and decorations, I do not wish to continue looking at them through February, March, April...  Plus it's a complete waste of electricity.  Meh! 

So when do you take your holiday lights down? Or are they still up?

An Admiration For Dedication

Earlier today as it was snowing fairly steadily already, I had to walk across town to a vacationing friend's house to feed her cat, El Diablo (my name for her horrendous beast of an animal). I decided to walk instead of driving as the weather was already pretty bad. While taking the two mile (round trip) trek across town, I saw a few hearty souls out jogging!  What the... Yes, as the weather was quickly deteriorating and with the pending blizzard, there were a few nuts... uh...dedicated exercise enthusiasts out running.  <smh>  I don't get it, but I am in awe of these people.

This topic is actually something that I've been meaning to blog about for awhile. Every morning as I'm heading driving out to school between 6:30 and 6:45 am, I see the same people out running, in some of the worse weather - freezing cold, rain, sleet, snow, etc. and I can't help but wonder: "Where do they get their dedication?" For me, the minute the weather drops below 60 degrees, I'm done exercising out of doors. Of course, I also use every excuse possible in order not to exercise at all, which probably explains my ever expanding waistline. Therefore, I have never understood the commitment that exercise freaks have. Personally, the only time I'm running is if a big bad monster is chasing me with a knife. I appreciate certain types of dedication: career, education, loved ones, etc., but exercise??  Nope, I don't get it.

To all you jogging fanatics: I offer my sincerest admiration and raise a cupcake in honor of your devotion!

The Cupcake Dilemma Solved...Sadly!

Last April, I wrote blog about my cupcake cravings. In that post, I whined over the fact that I couldn't find one bakery in Newburyport which sells just an uncomplicated vanilla cupcake to satisfy my occasional craving. Well, at the repeated urging of a friend, I finally made my way to a bakery located a few towns over in Haverhill, MA - Cakes by Erin - and lo and behold, there they were.  Simple vanilla (and lemon and chocolate and red velvet and... well you get the idea) cupcakes.  Eureka!

The cupcakes at Cakes by Erin are exactly what I've been searching for. This bakery was recently featured on the Food Network's "Sugar Dome" which "pits teams of cake designers, sugar artists, and specialty craftspeople in a series of challenges to create the ultimate sugary showpiece".  How did Cakes by Erin do?  They won! 

But I am despondent about this discovery. Why? A couple of reasons. One, the cupcakes are wonderfully delicious which makes resisting them really, really difficult! Two, the bakery is not in a terribly convenient location - roughly a 30 minute drive away (although it is on my way home from school, so.....)  Which leads me to problem three - too convenient.  I have to stop myself from driving through Haverhill on my way home from school. How can it be both inconvenient and too convenient? Welllll, just accept my confused reasoning over that!

Drat!  What's a cupcake craver to do??  My plan is to limit my trips to Cakes by Erin.  Hence, when I do have a raging craving that cannot be denied, then (and only then) will I travel there and allow myself to purchase just ONE cupcake.  I fully admit that I bought two on my trip this past Saturday.  But I have a good excuse. After all, I had to taste test two flavors (vanilla and lemon) so that I could conclude on my own whether these cupcakes  are as good as my friend claims. They are.

If you get to Haverhill and want a delicious cupcake, stop by CBE. Oh, CBE - you are equally a joy and a sorrow!

These are the cupcakes from CBE!

Music Doesn't Lie - Part 16 (Brave)

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music." – Jimi Hendrix

Josh Groban's latest album, All That Echoes, can be summed up with one word: RESOUNDING! From the dictionary, resounding: resonating, electrifying, rich, thrilling. Released today, Josh's latest album is also perfection; something I fully expected. To date, Josh has released: 6 studio albums and 3 live albums, and has appeared as a guest artist on a dozen or so different albums and not one performance is a disappointment. You have to love someone with that much talent and consistency. As I mentioned in a previous post, Josh Groban is a god! 

I was fortunate enough to get a sneak peek...peek?...sneak hearing?...anyway, I previewed this album last night and it's difficult for me to choose just one song from this collection to herald over another as every song is superb. There's a beautifully moving rendition of "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress".  The album features a duet with Laura Pausini, another Sandi's Lament posting subject, entitled "E Ti Prometterò" (trans. "And I Will Promise You") which is heartbreakingly gorgeous. "Un Alma Mas" (featuring Arturo Sandoval - jazz trumpeter, pianist and composer) is exquisite.  12 songs - 51 minutes of sheer joy!

Yeah, it's difficult for me to choose a favorite. Unfortunately, because this album was just released a few hours ago, he hasn't released any official videos.  But I found a live version that someone posted of "Brave" - the first song from the album.  <sigh>  Oh, Josh, you can sing to me anytime!  If you are a fan of Josh, get this album.  If you're not, well... I feel sorry for you because you are missing out on some amazing music.