Proud to be an American - Well, This Week Anyway!

I don't always say that I'm a proud American. Frankly, there was a period of 8 years (between January 20, 2001 and January 20, 2009), where I spent a good portion of that time being downright ashamed to call America my home and, when traveling abroad, I would tell people I was Canadian. But some landmark events happened this week that made my liberal heart take wing and made me proud of my country!  

First, a big hug and thank you to Texas state senator, Wendy Davis who, in order to protect a woman's right to choose in Texas, staged a one-woman, 11-hour filibuster where she was not allowed to eat, drink, take bathroom breaks, or even lean on the podium. If you haven't heard about this amazing feat (because you've been in a coma), here's the lowdown: the governor and head douche bag of Texas, Rick Perry, had proposed a bill that would have made getting an abortion virtually impossible in Texas and Senator Davis did everything in her power to make sure that bill would not come up for a vote. There's some confusion as to what happened in the final moments before midnight but officially the vote was held too late. Now I'm not saying that abortion is right or wrong - that's up to each individual to decide for themselves, but I do not want any government telling me what I can or cannot do with my uterus... ummmm... well, I mean if I still had a uterus. I will repeat what I've said before: "Boys, until you have lady parts - you have no say in what women can do with theirs! Just stop!" Sad to say, Perry is calling for a second special legislative session beginning on July 1, which will allow the Texas statehouse another crack at passing this bill. Interestingly enough, on the evening before Texas's 500th execution, Perry brags about how "Texans value life..." Erm, yeah, right. Douche! Thank you, Senator Davis, for being a Vagina Warrior!

Second, a whew, a huge sigh of relief and much happiness that several cases before the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) were ruled in what I (and my liberal leaning friends) consider to be favorable. Again for the coma patients, 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was ruled unconstitutional (about time!) and California's Proposition 8 was overturned. For those knuckleheads who are wondering how the two decisions will affect them, Cracked.com has written a 30 second guide to assist them. SCOTUS also overturned an adoption case in favor of the adoptive parents. It's a sad case in which there won't be any winners, but I think the Court made the correct decision.

Lastly, I say "well done" to Edward Snowden who is bringing Hollywood to life with his own reenactment of the 2004 movie, The Terminal starring Tom Hanks by flying into Moscow's Sheremetyevo airport but never leaving the terminal - if Vladimir Putin is to be believed. Here's what he has going for him at Sheremetyevo. Think he'll stay there 16 years like Mehran Karimi Nasseri did at Charles de Gaulle? Whether you consider him a traitor or a hero, this guy has got style!

What a banner week for America!

The Oncology Consult...

Today, I met with my oncologist. It was a stereotypical doctor's visit. Scheduled for 11:00am, I arrived at 10:45 but didn't see the doctor until well after noon. Sound familiar? Sound like every doctor appointment you have experienced? But that being said, I really like this doctor. She was completely open and above board about everything and was willing to answer any question I had. There's a slight downside to my doctor - she'll be out on maternity leave for 3 months starting in August - right in the middle of my treatment.

Here's the lowdown on today's consult:

There were two different tumor board reviews of my case. One at Beth Israel Deaconness and one at the local hospital here in Newburyport (Anna Jaques). I am a popular patient! Both boards agreed that they weren't actually certain that the lung nodules were a result of the endometrial cancer, but perhaps they stemmed from the breast cancer from 5 years ago. Although how it would have gotten to my lungs, when the lymph nodes were clear, is confusing. To be certain as to which cancer caused the lung tumors, the doctors want me to have a lung biopsy. There is also a possibility that they are fibrous tumors. Wherever they came from, it doesn't change my course of treatment, but it is something that they need to know.

There are a total of 5 visible nodules. Three in the right lung; the largest being 1.2 centimeters and two in the left lung; the largest being 0.9 centimeters. Once the biopsy happens - sometime in the next week and the results get back to the oncologist (a week after that), she'll have a better understanding of which cancer is the culprit. After that, I will start chemotherapy - I am assuming it'll be in 3 weeks.

My chemo treatment will consist of 6-8 sessions and will utilize two different drugs (Carboplatin and Paclitaxel). It will be very similar to my breast cancer treatment in that I will get infused once every three weeks. Halfway through the treatment, I will have a rescan of my lungs to see if there have been any changes to the tumors. If they have shrunk, I will finish the course. If nothing has happened or they've gotten larger, then they'll find a different treatment (perhaps a clinical trial). Of course, being the realist that I am, I asked her about the worse case scenario: "What if nothing works?" The answer: my life expectancy would be 6-10 months.

Now neither she nor I will think that will happen, but it was something that I needed to know. That about sums up the cancer news of the day. Stay tuned!

5 Life Lessons from Harry Potter...

I'm a freak - I know. I love re-reading books. Not all books, but certain ones. Just to name a few: Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre, several Dean Koontz novels, and the Harry Potter series. These books all hold special meaning for me each time I read them.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, I decided to spend the better part of the past 9 days re-reading all 7 books in the Harry Potter series. Yes you read that correctly: 7 books in 9 days. I find myself re-reading this series every year or two, which means that I've read this series of books approximately 12 times. I certainly know the story in great detail at this point, so why do I keep coming back to these novels over and over again? Harry Potter is a timeless classic of good vs. evil with amazing characters, an incredible storyline, and a wonderfully magical world. (Pun intended.) But it's even more than that. What Harry Potter gives to its readers is important lessons that they can apply to their life. Here are my top 5:

1. When you have the support of your friends, anything is possible: As valiant as Harry Potter is in these books, he would never have gotten as far as he did if it hadn't been for the commitment of his friends - especially Ron and Hermione. Without their support, he most likely would have failed.
2. Never judge a person based on their race, color, origin or any conditions they suffer from: Whether Muggle-born, a house elf, a supposed traitor (Snape), or a werewolf, everyone should be equally valued regardless of their background.
3. It's not always about book knowledge: As Hermione says in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, "Books! And cleverness! There are more important things -- friendship and bravery." Hermione wisely points out that sometimes knowing the right answer is not enough. Even though Harry uses Hermione's knowledge and expertise, it is his courage that makes him able to fight for what he believes in.
4. Life comes down to choices: Dumbledore has one of the best quotes in the series (from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets): "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." The clear indicator of how important choices are is by comparing Harry and Voldemort. Both made choices that affected not only their lives but the lives of others. But who made the better choices?
5. Love conquers all: Time and time again in the books, it's made clear that love is the reason why Harry defeats Voldemort. Voldemort does not feel love and therefore cannot understand the power that love provides which keeps Harry protected throughout his life.

These 5 lessons are just a few out of many that Rowling presents in this amazing series of novels and why I constantly come back to read these books over and over. I still weep at every death! For those haters who want to ban these books because they consider them evil due to the magic elements, I say: "Perhaps you might want to take some time out of your narrow-minded day to actually read the books."

Thank you, J.K. Rowling, for your creativity in writing these amazing novels - and an even bigger thank you to Bloomsbury Publishing who recognized that Harry Potter was a story that must be read by the world.

My Next Life...

This would be my luck!

For the past couple of days, I have been pondering what form I would like my next life to be. You see, I don't believe in heaven or hell or any Supreme Being/God, but I do believe in reincarnation. I wrote about my past lives last August, but now I'm more interested in creating a "future life" wish list. You see, my current life has been ... erm ... well ... let's just say less than spectacular. I'm not complaining or anything - just stating a simple fact. As I mentioned before, I'm certainly being punished for some horrendous deed from a previous incarnation. Therefore, I have all but decided that coming back as a human is pretty far down my list. Here's my wish list - in order - of what my next manifestation should be:

1. A zoo polar bear:  When I lived in NYC, I used to go to the Central Park Zoo a lot. It was one of my favorite places to visit where I'd hang out, watch the polar bears (Gus and Ida - sadly Ida was euthanized in 2011 due to liver cancer) and I would think "now, there's the life."  What's so appealing? You get to swim in your own swimming pool with tons of toys to play with. Sleep whenever you like. Someone brings you food on a regular basis so you don't have to forage for your own. People love you and take lots of photos of you. C'mon. Is there anything better? And no, I do not want to live in the wild and fend for myself. Plus the arctic is way too effing cold!
2. A domestic cat or dog: Observing my own cat, Lotta, makes me want to be either a domestic cat or dog. Seriously, this is a good life to lead - particularly for cats. Cats sleep 13-14 hours a day, get fed regularly, have lots of toys to play with (at least in my house), an owner who adores them, and the run of the household. Dogs have a very similar life. I'm leaning toward a cat over a dog simply because with my luck I'd end up with an owner who breeds dogs for fighting.
3. A dolphin: Being a swimmer at heart, I can imagine spending all day in the ocean swimming and diving through the water. What a nice life. Although being caught in a fishing net would suck. I suppose I could be a performing dolphin at SeaWold, but I think that wouldn't be nearly as much fun as a dolphin in the wild. Much too limiting of a swimming area.
4. A koala: Koalas are seriously cute mammals. Their lives seems to be so mellow; there's very little stress for the koala. They have plenty of food, few predators, and 22 hours of sleep a day - sounds like a decent life. Plus I would get a chance to live in Australia.
5. A butterfly: I know butterflies don't live very long (in their adult stage from a week to nearly a year depending on the species), but I like the idea of being some sort of flying animal and I think butterflies are so pretty. Plus I recently learned through a friend that butterflies taste with their feet so that would be interesting to experience. Maybe if I'm just unique enough a lepidopterist will take an interest and study me.

I actually have a few other species that I could add to the list but these are my top 5. I suppose if for some reason I couldn't be one of the above (or any of the others on my list), but am required by some law of nature to come back as a human, then I would want to come back as a woman and hopefully improve on the mistakes that I made in this life.

What are you thoughts on this subject? Do you believe in reincarnation? What would you like your next life to be?

Music Doesn't Lie - Part 21 (It's the Way You Make Me Feel)

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music." – Jimi Hendrix

It has been ages since I wrote a music blog - May 3rd being the last one. Today, I was feeling in a bit of a funk so I thought I'd listen to something that would make me smile and want to dance. Looking through my iTunes, I came across The Best of Steps album and I thought "Ah-ha! That's perfect." In case you've never heard of this group, Steps are a 5-singer British pop group which formed in 1997 and to date have released "four studio albums, three compilation albums and seventeen singles" (Wikipedia). They have a really strong 1990s pop/dance pop sound and I find their music really fun, albeit a little bubblegum - although bubblegum music is exactly what a person needs on occasion. Yes, they're a bit gimmicky with their choreographed dance steps (hence the name of the group), but... <shrugs>

Today, as I was listening to their "Best of" album, I started wondering whatever became of this group and after a little research (aka Wikipedia), I discovered that they had disbanded in 2001 - rather contentiously apparently. Who knew? Although they did reform in 2011 for a reunion documentary and some limited touring throughout 2012.  

I had a hard time picking my favorite song from their "Best of" album. Their cover of the Bee Gees' "Tragedy" is always a good choice. But I also love "Love's Got a Hold of my Heart". Can you go wrong with "Say You'll Be Mine"? I think not! How about "Deeper Shade of Blue"? Love it!! Actually I find this whole album to be great. If you like uncomplicated, fun pop music - this album is a must! Like ABBA before them, Steps have the ability to produce catchy tracks guaranteed to get any party going. Complete guilty pleasure.  That being said - despite the fun, pop, bubblegum beat, each of the songs listed here have lyrics which have strong meaning for me. Just goes to show you, you can find meaning in the darndest places.

With having such a tough time picking one, I finally decided to feature the song that is closest to my heart and my life - "It's the Way You Make Me Feel". It's probably my favorite of all of Steps hits. Lyrics can be found here.

Here's a little bonus video that I just discovered today while trolling around YouTube: the ladies from Steps in a live performance of one of my favorite songs from the musical, Chess - "I Know Him So Well."  It's stunning!

The Number Three - Lucky or Unlucky? Time Will Tell...

I got to thinking today about the number three and how often it comes up in our daily lives. It's found in religion, sports, science, philosophy, and on and on. Not surprising, there's even a Wikipedia page on the number three. (Is there anything that Wikipedia hasn't documented?) Some people believe the number three is lucky and others feel it's unlucky. For instance, three "is considered a good number in Chinese culture because it sounds like the word 'alive'" (Wikipedia). But they say bad luck comes in threes, which is what got me thinking about this accursed number. In the past 5+ years, I've gone though three major medical issues – two physical and one psychological – all with potentially fatal outcomes. Bad luck!

In 2007, I had one of my few good luck moments with my first medical diagnosis of breast cancer. It was ended up being in early stages and completely treatable. My second medical issue was a three year long psychological ordeal which could have potentially led to a fatality but through some third-party intervention, I survived. Now it's my third time riding the medical merry-go-round and this time the diagnosis and prognosis are far more serious than the first two and it made me think of the two old adages: "Third time's the charm" or "Three strikes and you're outta the game." The number three once again rears its ugly head. I suppose only time will tell which of these aforementioned statements ends up being true.

What's your take? Do you think the number three is lucky or unlucky? I'm indecisive on this one. I'd like to think three will be lucky, but somewhere deep inside, I'm having my doubts.

Career Change: A Year in Reflection...

This week marks the last week of school. I should be annoying my students by presenting them with challenging final exams but instead I'm sitting on my couch, re-reading the Harry Potter series. :-)  I thought I'd write some concluding thoughts on my career change.

It was one year ago today that I was readying myself to leave for 6 weeks of what I now call "hell" - Teach for America's ("TFA") week long Induction and 5 week Summer Institute - to prepare myself as best I could for my new career as an educator. While this career change got off to a rocky start - thanks to TFA's incompetence - I am thrilled to report that it did get better...much better. (No thanks to TFA.) I have spent the better part of the past year attempting to mold young minds and give them much needed reading and writing skills -- despite push back from these same students due to how much most of them hate reading and writing.  As I reach the end of my first year of teaching, I cannot imagine a better way to spend my days. Yes, it's some of the hardest work I have ever done and it's not very rewarding on a daily basis because many students either don't have a strong interest in their education or are fearful of being wrong or looking dumb that they don't even try. But even through all that, I love my new career and it is rewarding over the long haul.

Despite some health issues of late, I fully intend to be back in my classroom come fall and having the same arguments with students about the importance of reading and writing and telling them to put their cell phones and hoodies away. As most are aware, for the past month I've not been teaching due to the aforementioned heath issues. Consequently, I have missed my little cherubs immensely. I get the occasional email from a student giving me updates on school and class. I've even gotten the "we didn't know how good we had it until we lost you" message. Awww, sweet. Apparently my replacement is not well loved in my English 3 Honors class. All in all, I am happy to report that I did not make a mistake 2 years ago when I made this decision to career change and even though it has not been an easy transition and I (unfortunately) am still stuck with TFA for another year before I can thankfully part company with them, I am content and happy with my career - something I never said when I was a corporate grunt.

I suspect that this posting may be the last which deals with my career change, unless something truly remarkable happens. Again, for any career changers out there who want to move into education, I highly recommend it but just be careful how you transition. I would not recommend Teach for America or any other teaching corps.  Go the traditional route if you can.

By the way, I never did give the results of the Lawrence Rotary's Teacher of the Year award for which I was nominated by my principal. As predicted in late April, I did not win - nor did I expect to win. It really was just nice being nominated. Here's the list of nominees and winners.

In case you've missed the photos, check out My First Year of Teaching photo site. I thank my students and colleagues for an amazing first year and am looking forward to some more before "shuffl[ing] off this mortal coil" (Wm. Shakespeare, Hamlet).

Something to Think About...

A dear friend of mine posted this message on Facebook the other day and I believe it is one of the best written postings I have seen in a long time and thought to myself: "I need to add this to my blog." The words speak for themselves:

Did you know the people who are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need care the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are "I love you", "I'm sorry", and "Help me"? Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now--Let's start an intentions avalanche. We all need positive intentions! And if you feel so inspired, please kindly copy and paste this status to offer a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune. I did it for a friend and now you can too. Love.

Strong message and one that I think everyone can relate to quite well! Therefore, if you agree, please share this message. 

Post Surgical Recovery

They need to make this shirt for humans!

People keep asking me: "how are you feeling?" and I think when I respond: "I'm good", they don't entirely believe me. But the healing process for laproscopic surgery is surprisingly easy. I'm not saying there isn't any pain or any other issues, but far less than expected. Since getting out of hospital last Wednesday afternoon, I've managed to get myself into a fairly stable routine, which is helpful for physical healing. The schedule is pretty simple:

I wake up no later than 6am. I feed the cat, take my first round of pain meds, eat breakfast and watch the morning news and/or read. Mid-morning, I head out for my first walk of the day. My surgeon has encouraged as much walking as possible which helps speed healing. I generally walk for 30-45 minutes each time out (weather permitting). When I return home, I read and/or take a nap. Lunch and the next round of pain meds are around noon, followed by more reading and internet surfing. My next walk occurs mid-afternoon which almost always consists of a stop at Starbucks to say "hello" to my favorite baristas. But just a "hello" - it's not like I get a snack or anything. :-) Then I return home to watch my beloved Judge Judy, which is followed by dinner for both myself and the cat around 5:30/6:00 pm with a 3rd round of pain medication. Early evening is my last walk of the day. After that it's either watch television or read until 10:00 or 11:00 when I take my last round of pain meds and then I'm off to bed. Granted this schedule is incredibly boring but it's the one that makes the most sense for a quick recovery.

So physically I'm doing well. I wish I could say the same for the mental/emotional part of healing. As I suspected might happen, spending this much time on my own is invariably causing me to spend way too much time in my own head obsessing about...well...everything. I should be preparing myself mentally for the next battle -- chemotherapy, and I am, but occasionally I end up in some bad place reviewing my life and its many failures. It would have been much better if I had the distraction of work to keep my mind off of the negatives in my life, but that can't be helped. Therefore, when I find myself careening down that road to negativity, I have to force myself to make a u-turn and concentrate on other things. But it's not the easiest switch to make. Spending 99% of my day alone makes it difficult to distract myself.

What I wish I had was something I had a couple of years ago - that one person who has the ability to make me laugh and distracts me from my own thoughts and obsessions and gives me the occasional swift kick in the arse. Three years ago, I had a friend who fulfilled that role and who was an indispensable part of my life. Even though we lived hundreds of miles away, our nightly chats got me through some incredibly rough patches, but alas I no longer have that relationship or anything remotely similar. <sigh> Sadly, I miss my friend so very, very much, but I will just have to soldier on alone. Oh, well. C'est la vie!

Battle #1 - Hard Fought and Won!

A battlefield report from General Smith:

It's Tuesday, June 4th and I roll out of bed at 4:30 am to prepare for battle #1. There actually isn't much for me to do today except keep positive and give all my trust to my surgical team. By 5:30 am, my brother and I are on the road to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and are in good spirits. We arrive a little later than planned - 6:45 instead of 6:30 - thanks to traffic on the Tobin Bridge, but all in all, so far everything is as scheduled.

I'm brought into the preparation area, where I change into a hospital gown, non-slip socks, and a very attractive paper cap - I am looking hot, hot, hot. (Sarcasm!)  I then meet with the various members of my surgical team: the attending surgeon, the resident surgeon, the training surgeon, the attending anesthesiologist, the resident anesthesiologist, and a bevy of nurses. Each and every one of these medicos are confident, funny, positive, and competent. I know that am in good hands. I learn that my hematocrit levels are still pretty low (28%) but they've got blood on standby just in case. By 8am, all the paperwork is done and the initial drugs are given. I am wheeled into the OR and scooch across the gurney onto the operating table. I don't remember anything after that until I wake up 3 hours later in recovery.  

The recovery room is a cavernous space separated by curtains into individual compartments. The patient in the bed next to mine is snoring up a storm. Thought: "Wow, wonder if they thought to check out that person's nasal septum." I meet my recovery room nurse who is this amazingly dedicated veteran nurse. We chat off and on but mostly I'm left to rest and recoup. But there's a problem. Around 1:00, the recovery room nurse starts noticing that I'm bleeding a lot heavier than normal. Not a good sign. By 2:00, she's getting a little more concerned and refuses to send me to my hospital room just yet. She wants a surgeon to check out the bleeding situation but they're all in surgery. So I must wait.  But I'm pretty good at waiting, therefore, I keep myself and my nurse amused with ridiculous stories and jokes.

By 4:00 pm, the surgeons are out of the OR and the resident surgeon comes to check me out. She too is concerned with the amount of blood loss. After an examination, it is determined that there might be a small laceration in the wall of my va-jay-jay and that I will need to return to the OR. Because of course, that is exactly what everyone wants to have - 2 invasive surgeries in one day.  Preparations begin again for surgery - paperwork, drugs, etc.  This time they are much more concerned about the low blood levels so I will be getting a transfusion during the 2nd surgery. Of course, the inevitable jokes fly about how I just couldn't get enough of my surgical team and wanted to have some more good times in surgery.  We are a funny, funny group - the surgical staff and I.  By 5:00 pm, I'm back in surgery.  Again, I remember the scooch across the gurney to the table - a comment is made by the attending anesthesiologist about how good I am at that move and, then, I'm out like the proverbial light bulb.

An hour later and I'm back in recovery. The attending surgeon informs me that there was a small laceration which just needed a couple of stitches and now it's all fixed and I'm golden. I then spend another 3 hours in recovery, receiving 2 more transfusions and being monitored that all is well. Finally, around 9:00 pm, I am moved from the recovery room to my hospital room. You cannot imagine the incredible boredom of being stuck in recovery for 10 hours!!!  But I am so grateful for my recovery room nurse for being so incredibly observant that she picked up on the problem so it could be dealt with immediately.

Battle #1 in the Cancer War is now completed and won. It was a more difficult battle than anticipated, but all in all, it could have been worse.  The pain is fairly bad, but lots of good drugs and a boatload of chocolate help.  What is the worse part of all of this?  Yes, the 2nd surgery sucked. Yes, being under anesthesia and intubated twice was horrendous. Yes, the pain is sometimes unbearable. Yes, not being able to drive for 2 weeks is not fun.  Worse than all of that - I gained 10 pounds in the hospital!!!  How that is possible when I ate nearly nothing for 3 days? It is due to the water weight gain because of the IVs that I had for 2 days. ARGH!  Nothing in my closet fits.  I know this weight gain will pass but until then, I feel and look like the Michelin Man.  :-)

What I would like to do is give some much deserved thanks the entire staff at Beth Israel who were extraordinarily dedicated, kind, and caring. They are some of the most amazing people and I couldn't have been in better hands. Their caring and attendance toward my health and welfare was astounding and superb.  I couldn't have asked for better people in whom I could entrust my life. Thank you to the entire Smith Surgical and Recovery Team!  You are my heroes and heroines.

This was my view for 10 hours in recovery -
a supply closet!  Talk about boring!

For Once, Karma Has Come Through!

This posting is going to be pretty uncharitable but I'm allowing myself a little leeway here. Last September, I wrote a blog ("Karma for Users") about wanting certain types of people (aka "users") to get on the Karma bus, but I lamented that I would probably never find out if these "so and so's" would ever get their comeuppance. Okay, so this is where the uncharitable part comes in. An old colleague and friend from my past happened to call me the other day and gave me such satisfying news.  The two people, whom I most wanted to ride the Karma bus, got on the bus and got off it so much worse than I could ever imagine.  Heh heh! 

Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be quite as content as I am about these events, but these two people thoroughly ruined my personal and professional life for awhile that they richly deserve to be caught up in a shitstorm and I can satisfactorily report that both have suffered greatly. One got his professionally, the other got hers personally. Am I "happy" that one person lost their job and the other their spouse? Well, no. "Happy" is the wrong word. Am I satisfied that these two selfish, self-centered people finally got a much deserved kick in the pants? You better believe it. 

For once, I believe that Karma got this one right. Perhaps these two schmucks learned a lesson - probably not. A lesson to be learned for all - karma is a bitch and will get you one way or the other. Best to abide by the Golden Rule.