How do you get through a bad day when you step in a big pile of doggie doo? I’m having major guilt and anxiety over an innocent error that I made during my lesson today. It wasn’t anything malicious but the end result was appalling. This is what happened.
Today I was teaching “theme” and in order to connect it to Animal Farm and the theme of power and corruption, I had my students write a short paragraph on their experience with “power” in the form of police, government, school, parents, etc. I wanted to hear their experiences both positive and negative so I could make the connection to the book’s theme. One of my students wrote the paper and then completely shut down. Next thing I knew, he was sitting in his seat while other students were working in groups around the room and he was crying. I went to check on him to see what was wrong, and after some time, he told me to go read his paper. I read the following: “The police helped find and arrest the person who shot and killed my brother on July 18, 2011.” My heart dropped. Naturally, I did not know about his brother but even so it doesn’t mitigate my feelings of guilt. I spoke with my student and I apologized for the assignment. And even though this brave young man understood that there wasn’t anything malicious with this assignment I still can’t help but feel horrible about the whole day. With tomorrow being the anniversary of his brother’s death, I’m sure it has been on his mind and I exacerbated his feelings of loss. According to my other co-teachers, the rest of this student’s day got steadily worse. I'm not certain that I even handled it all that well.
I almost don't want to go back tomorrow because I can't imagine that this young man will want to talk or see me again. Tonight my plan is to call his mother and check in on my student and hope that she can forgive me for this innocent mistake. My adviser says that I shouldn’t feel guilty for something that I couldn’t know about but that doesn’t help alleviate the unnecessary pain I put this young man through. I know this will be the first of many mistakes that I will make as an educator but I can only hope that the rest will not be as horrendous as this mistake.
Today I was teaching “theme” and in order to connect it to Animal Farm and the theme of power and corruption, I had my students write a short paragraph on their experience with “power” in the form of police, government, school, parents, etc. I wanted to hear their experiences both positive and negative so I could make the connection to the book’s theme. One of my students wrote the paper and then completely shut down. Next thing I knew, he was sitting in his seat while other students were working in groups around the room and he was crying. I went to check on him to see what was wrong, and after some time, he told me to go read his paper. I read the following: “The police helped find and arrest the person who shot and killed my brother on July 18, 2011.” My heart dropped. Naturally, I did not know about his brother but even so it doesn’t mitigate my feelings of guilt. I spoke with my student and I apologized for the assignment. And even though this brave young man understood that there wasn’t anything malicious with this assignment I still can’t help but feel horrible about the whole day. With tomorrow being the anniversary of his brother’s death, I’m sure it has been on his mind and I exacerbated his feelings of loss. According to my other co-teachers, the rest of this student’s day got steadily worse. I'm not certain that I even handled it all that well.
I almost don't want to go back tomorrow because I can't imagine that this young man will want to talk or see me again. Tonight my plan is to call his mother and check in on my student and hope that she can forgive me for this innocent mistake. My adviser says that I shouldn’t feel guilty for something that I couldn’t know about but that doesn’t help alleviate the unnecessary pain I put this young man through. I know this will be the first of many mistakes that I will make as an educator but I can only hope that the rest will not be as horrendous as this mistake.
Any advice on how to deal with this situation would be welcome because I feel like complete crap.
16 comments:
I don’t know the first thing about teaching, but it’s not clear to me that you made a mistake. What caused this boy’s indescribable pain was the tragic death of his brother, period. Not something you did. The fact it happened in the first place, and the extreme proximity of the first anniversary, are what put this tragedy in the forefront of his mind. Under those circumstances, literally anything could have triggered an emotional response. Given the relatively recent tragedy and the occasion of the anniversary, it’s not as if anything would have “reminded” him of this.
The assignment you gave was fairly straightforward. I can’t see how anyone could have reasonably anticipated any ill effect from that assignment.
It also sounds like you did exactly the right thing in response. You expressed genuine concern and empathy for him and followed up with his family to check on him (or will do). If I were his parent, that’s exactly what I would hope for and appreciate from his teacher. It seems to me that part of being a teacher is knowing that students are going to be dealing with incredibly difficult things from time to time. You can’t know what they are in advance; what makes a good teacher is how you react when they appear.
Thanks, Anon. I appreciate the positive thoughts. I spoke with his mother who is the most amazing, sweet woman ever and she is completely understanding of this bad situation. Doesn't really alleviate my guilt, but I feel a bit better now.
I agree this was not your fault and you did the right thing. If he is in class tomorrow can you turn this into something positive by letting him share what he loved and misses about his brother? The fact that he wrote the paper is amazing in and of itself and a positive step toward accepting the loss. He should be encouraged and commended. I bet other students have stories of their own that they could share. This would make him fell less alone. I don't know if TFA gives you guys psych training but they should. Tough day but it will get better. Hang in there, these kids will end up reaching you and teaching you. That is an added bonus.
Thanks, Anon II. I'm not sure if he'll be in class, but I'll see if I can get him to talk. Yeah, I wish there was more psych training on how to handle something like that. I may ask my curriculum specialist about it. He's pretty good about things like that.
Sandi-
You didn't force the student to tell that story. Believe me, he's not the only one with a tragic story to tell. You should take it as a good sign that he trusted you enough to share it with you. This could be an opening for you to connect with him and really form a bond. It's great that you called his Mom. I know she appreciated it. and it shows your dedication to your students.
Chris L.
Thanks, Chris. That makes it unanimous that I did okay with this horrendous day.
I agree with the other posters and hope you can find your way to see this to be an incredible blessing--a true teachable moment. How validating for this person(and for your class--if he feels comfortable to share...) to have an opportunity to really talk about the issues. And if not for the class, for him to have a safe space to talk about his loss and experience further.
Thanks, Anon III. I hadn't thought about it that way. I have tried to create a safe space for my kids. I feel so much better for all the positive feedback, everyone!
Sandi, this really doesn't seem to me, to be a negative at all. Your prompt was an opportunity for this young man to express what was IN HIM all along, and likely needed to escape. It's most often such an enormous relief to let strong emotion out, whether in words, pictures, or the written word; otherwise, it simply torments the soul. I'd say, you have an amazing opportunity to work more expressive prompts into your classroom life. And they don't have to be shared - with you as a teacher, or with other students - for the benefits of the expression to help the student. Well done, is what I say, and keep up the good work!
You didn't do anything wrong. If he wasn't ready to face it, he would not have written about it. Sadly, since I would assume the school knows of the tragedy this child and others have experienced it would seem that they should inform the teachers, yet they don't. He would have had a bad day no matter what, given it is the anniversary -- this might have helped him have a better day, since he didn't hold it all inside himself. And it is a positive police story at least, rather than "why didn't the police adequately protect the neighborhood so that his brother wasn't shot." So, despite it all, he feels good about the police. Wow.
Hmmm. Not sure the school does know. This is an incoming freshman and I'm not sure how in depth the interview process is. He was at a different school last year. Yeah, ultimately it was a positive story.
Sandi... you did nothing wrong... if anything you should feel proud of the fact that the student feels so comfortable with you that he was able express himself. Perhaps this was his way of showing appreciation to the police for their help...an opportunity that he could not have happened if it were not for your assignment... and by calling his mom you opened the lines of communication for the family...the fact that all of this happened on the eve of the anniversary of his brother's death may have been a blessing to the family. Keep up the great work!
Thanks, Lee! Where's my gold star? :-)
you got it...sending you hugs over the internet! Proud of you, girl!!!
Sandi,
i teach creative writing, and there is always a risk. especially when you want the kids to take risks of their own. i had a child writing about guns and death and suicide in one of their creative writing stories, and because I preach "school appropriate" writing, was suggesting to her that she take a closer look at what she's writing and transform it to leave the guns and stuff out. At home, I said, write everything you want. But in school, guns are not appropriate. She didn't say much, but left the class shortly after. I found out her father had committed suicide the night before, and she had either found him or witnessed it. I asked the teacher why she came to school that day, and it seems she needed the companionship of her friends. Would have been nice to know before I criticized her instead of praising her for writing about difficult topics. But, what you don't know, you don't know. So don't sweat it.
Wow, Melissa! Words fail me! Thank you so much for sharing that story!
Post a Comment