The title of this blog is not a surprise to anyone. Alzheimer's is a dreadful, dreadful disease!
Yesterday, I made a trip that I have been dreading for 5 weeks - a visit to see my mother. Let me preface this by saying that I haven't visited my mother in over 5 years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease approximately 6 years ago and I found it extremely difficult to visit her for a myriad of reasons that I won't get into. Since her diagnosis, my mother's been in a long-term care facility in Cherry Hill, NJ, which is right across the river from Philadelphia. Guilt finally got the better of me and I made the trek to Cherry Hill with my brother to see her. What a nightmare! We were there a total of maybe 45 minutes and I walked out feeling bruised, battered and severely grieved. Tragically, I barely recognized my own mother and, even sadder, I never want to visit again. I know this makes me a terrible daughter, but I really cannot handle these visits. This is a disease that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy ... well, maybe I would my WORSE enemy, but otherwise, I wouldn't wish this on anyone else.
Knowing that Alzheimer's is quite possibly a hereditary disease scares the living crap out of me. I do not want to end up looking like the shell of the person that I saw yesterday. For all my mother's faults (and believe me there were many of them), I hate to see her afflicted with this ruthless disease. How do I try to not end up like her? My plan is to keep my mind active no matter what - keep taking classes and learning, keep working, keep doing whatever I need to do to keep my brain active. Because this is a disease which sucks the life out of everybody - the person with the disease has no quality of life and their loved ones, who have to watch the disease, suffer monetarily, emotionally and physically. All in all, it's not a good way to spend your remaining years. My hope for you, dear readers, is that you will never ever have to deal with this dreadful disease. If you want to learn more, check out the Alzheimer's Awareness website.
10 comments:
Hi Sandi. This hit home. My mom has terrible old age dementia. While she hasn't been diagnosed with Alzheimers, it's been very hard on my sister and myself. My heart goes out to you and everyone having to deal with this awful disease. I do crossword puzzles and read everyday as well as trying to keep as active as I possibly can. Hugs!
Thanks. My best to you and your sister. It's really a horrid, horrible disease. Keep reading and doing those crosswords. Hugs back!
Sorry it was and is so hard on you. Yes, it is a horrible disease. Your lament, that there is a genetic factor is everyone's fear who has any possibility of hereditary diseases. I'm glad that you saw your brother -- I hope that part of the visit was upbeat for you. ♥
Thanks, Barbara. Yesterday was definitely not a fun day. But I've been hanging with my brother nearly every weekend since getting to Philly because I needed to get away from TFA and the Temple dorms. :-)
sorry chickie! I don't think I knew this. HUGS to you!!! Love you
Thanks, Jodster! Love you back!
I’m not sure that I can add much to your post. I found it interesting and thought provoking. My father died ten years ago after a seven-year struggle with Alzheimer’s. I understand why this disease is called the “Long Goodbye” as I watched him slowly slip away. The most difficult part of accepting this disease is knowing that if given a choice he would not have wanted to exit that way. He was a strong and active man. He had hustled in his early life to make ends meet, he boxed, played pool and ran numbers. He made his life-long friends serving together in WWI as a truck driver for Patton’s 3rd Army. Following troops with trucks filled with ordinance into Belgium, France and finally Germany. He returned and used the G.I. Bill to become a licensed barber and worked two jobs: as a NYC Department of Hospitals barber during the day, and the owner of a three-chair barber shop in Queens, which I learned much later in life was also a “bank” for the mafia. He loved to tell jokes and argue with his regulars. To acts which done well, seem so effortless, but rely on the one thing he probably took for granted: his memory. If I could have given him a glimpse of his final chapter, I am confident that he would have said, “Shit, I can do better than that.” And he would have opted for a grand but appropriate exit for a man of his station.
As his son I fear the same ending and dread the thought that I won’t see it coming. I won’t understand why people can’t agree with me. I won’t see the simplicity of the solution to an everyday question. Everything will become distant, remote, forgotten. I am confidently sure that is something he didn’t want, and it is something that I don’t want. And that is how I view the horror of Alzheimer’s.
Oh man, Alvin. This disease sucks! Thanks for sharing your story!! Your father sounds like an amazing person and I'm sorry so sorry for him and you. Your fear is my fear! Hugs to you and Barbara!
Oh Sandi- I am so sorry- I didn't know... I can totally understand your pain... to watch a parent who was always so full of fire to slowly slip away is horrid. I have no words of wisdom, I'm afraid...and although I didn't go through the exact same situation... I do know how difficult it is...thinking of you and sending you love and hugs!!! I'm here any time you would like/need to vent! ♥
Thanks, Lee. Just knowing that I have friends who care and are there means more than you can ever know!
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