What if you were told that you only had 3, 6, 9, or 12 months to live? I don't think it will come as a shock to anyone that I often contemplate this question. Over the past few days, it has been on my mind nearly continuously. This past Monday night, I had my latest CT scan and am awaiting the test results, which I will get next Tuesday when I see my oncologist. Let me tell you, the wait of 8 days between scan and results is annoying!! Fricking holiday weekend.
My thought processes since Monday night: What will I do if I'm told that the tumors have grown and/or returned? What if I suddenly have tumors in areas that were once tumor free? What if my doctor says that I have only a certain amount of time left?
My thought processes since Monday night: What will I do if I'm told that the tumors have grown and/or returned? What if I suddenly have tumors in areas that were once tumor free? What if my doctor says that I have only a certain amount of time left?
In contemplating these thoughts, I came up with a few different end of life options, all of which have their pros and cons:
1. Keep doing what I'm currently doing - working, paying bills, etc. As a friend said to me, how many times have people been told that they only have months to live and end up living for years or decades. Problem is right now I have very little interest in what I'm doing because it's uber-stressful and not very much fun. In fact, while doing some research about stress and cancer, "stress has not been proven to initiate cancer; however, there is ample evidence suggesting that chronic stress can activate certain signaling pathways that can promote tumor growth, progression, and metastasis" (MD Anderson website). That's just great. I have probably one of the most stressful jobs and undergoing cancer treatment at the same time. I should just quit right now.
2. Take all my retirement funds, max out my credit cards, sell everything I own, and spend the time and money traveling to all the different places I've always wanted to see. Maybe do a road trip across the US. While this option is probably my favorite, it has two very distinctive drawbacks: money and loneliness. I don't have all that much money in my retirement funds and selling all my property won't get me much more, and travel is costly! Also, I would get really lonely traveling by myself; therefore, I want to have a traveling companion, but I don't have anyone who would be able to spare the time.
3. Get working on ticking off everything on my bucket list. This option has a similar problem as option 2 - money. Most things on my bucket list are pretty pricy. It's part of the reason why I haven't been able to check off items on the list.
4. Do something really good with my last few months - go work in an aid camp in Africa, help rebuild Haiti, help educate children in an underdeveloped country, etc. This choice is probably the most viable. It wouldn't cost me much as I'd volunteer to work with an International Charitable NGO and at least I'd feel I was doing something worthwhile in my final months.
5. Spend the entire time on my couch, reading every novel that I've ever want to read. Again, this option is pretty viable too, but it might get really boring after a few months. Of course, I could combine the reading with the traveling or charity work.
Oh, add to all of these choices to stop worrying about eating healthily. I mean really, what's the point! These were all the choices I came with. Did I miss any? What would you do if you were given a finite number of months to live??
11 comments:
While I completely understand, I sincerely hope you aren't needing to make any choices like these for about another 40-50 years! I love you my friend!
Just facing the reality of my life. :-) Love you too.
I'd sell everything I own. Using my health condition to receive all my 401(k) and IRA funds with no withholding. You can do that. Apply for my Social Security benefits again citing my terminal condition with the written support of my doctors. Figure out how much funds I have including available credit. Quit my job. Whip out the old bucket list and organize based on the Must Do's to the Mehs. Then by cost, least expensive to most. Then...start doing the list from top to bottom until you run out of money or die. If you run out of money, move into a hospice offering employment for R&B. Orrrrr... move in with a family member and become a burden. But choose one you can stand and will follow your final wishes. (Like smother me with a pillow in my sleep if I get like my mother.)
Nice, Tom. Guess which family member I'd become a burden on?? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!
Definitely... come & stay as long as you need and eat everything that tastes good
We all have a finite number of months to live. For me, the best things in my life are the simplest things: sunshine, wind, trees; the beach, my bike, my family; yoga, loving, giving, friends, food, a good conversation. Yesterday was one of those days: having you here with us, eating good food, sharing a laugh and a story. I would just keep keepin' on.
p.s. my entire family adored you!! (not just Ein)
Awwww. So sweet. And I adored them too.
Oh Sandi, I refuse to think that you will need to choose an option anytime soon. The world needs you in it even though it may be putting you through some crazy paces just now. However, I also think a nice vacation is well in order!!
Jacqueline, very sweet of you to say, but untrue. The world doesn't actually need me, but there are a handful of people that may. :-)
You might be surprised how true it is. Lynchpins are found in the unlikliest places. Quite an oblique reference but I just read an article about scientists finding microbes in a specific panda that can potentially break down bamboo for cheap biofuel! Not that I'm comparing you to panda poop but both are important. :-)
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would consider it an honor to be compared to useful panda poop! :-D
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