Have you ever wondered if aliens are living among us? It would be awfully arrogant of the human race to think that the Earth is the only planet in which there is intelligent life. After years of watching science fiction movies and television, I have always wanted to believe that one day they would made contact with us. Well, folks, I think it's official - aliens are real and are living on Earth. Bizarrely enough, they even have their own television specials. How do I know? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you two words:
David Blaine!
Last Tuesday, ABC aired a television special entitled: David Blaine: Real or Magic, which had an astonishing array of "magic" tricks to thrill and appall the watcher. "David Blaine entertains stars and newsmakers, including Will Smith, Olivia Wilde, Woody Allen, and Stephen Hawking, to get their reaction to his magic tricks..." (TV Guide). He repaired an eaten piece of a $20 bill with his mouth, rage-puked kerosene he’d swallowed in order to ignite a fire, pulled a string from his mouth through his eye (NOPE. STOP. CAN’T), and guessed the code to the iPhone of Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul (bitch!). He’s the craziest creature-thing I’ve ever seen. But is it real or magic? I say it is neither. It is merely an alien being who is pulling off these supposed tricks. Don't bother trying to figure out how he does these feats - you will be wasting your time. According to Wikipedia, Mr. Blaine is the son of Patrice White and William Perez, but I say that is just a cover for his true pod non-person birth. Want evidence that Mr. Blaine is an alien?
Evidence #1 - he doesn't bleed, even after impaling his hand on an ice-pick:
Kanye West is completely silent for a full 10 seconds after witnessing this feat - so perhaps David does have a bit of magic in him. “It looks pretty real, right?” Blaine kept asking everyone - because he doesn’t know what “real” means, because David Blaine is not real. Ricky Gervais watches in horror as David sticks a long-ass needle through his bicep. Ricky's commentary was the closest to my own as I sat there both fascinated and violently repelled: “Oh, for f---’s sake. F---ing how? …Are you mental?”
Evidence #2 - he chews on raw glass and lives only to pull an baby alligator out of a teeny tiny purse:
Katy Perry responds to this fascinating glass-eating
phenomenon with wiping (alien?) blood from David's face, exclaiming: "Yeah, that
might be blood, but I don't know if you actually bleed like the rest of
us." No, Katy, he doesn't because he is not human! I can only assume that the alligator is Mr. Blaine's familiar - after all what other type of pet would an alien have - a cat or a dog?
My favorite moment might be a truly frightened Harrison Ford's response to David's impossible card trick:
If you missed, The Visitor's television special and would like to be equally enthralled and horrified by this alien life form, you can check out the entire special on YouTube. It does not disappoint!
No comments:
Post a Comment