End of Life Options...

What if you were told that you only had 3, 6, 9, or 12 months to live? I don't think it will come as a shock to anyone that I often contemplate this question. Over the past few days, it has been on my mind nearly continuously. This past Monday night, I had my latest CT scan and am awaiting the test results, which I will get next Tuesday when I see my oncologist. Let me tell you, the wait of 8 days between scan and results is annoying!! Fricking holiday weekend.

My thought processes since Monday night: What will I do if I'm told that the tumors have grown and/or returned? What if I suddenly have tumors in areas that were once tumor free? What if my doctor says that I have only a certain amount of time left?

In contemplating these thoughts, I came up with a few different end of life options, all of which have their pros and cons:

1.  Keep doing what I'm currently doing - working, paying bills, etc.  As a friend said to me, how many times have people been told that they only have months to live and end up living for years or decades. Problem is right now I have very little interest in what I'm doing because it's uber-stressful and not very much fun. In fact, while doing some research about stress and cancer, "stress has not been proven to initiate cancer; however, there is ample evidence suggesting that chronic stress can activate certain signaling pathways that can promote tumor growth, progression, and metastasis" (MD Anderson website). That's just great. I have probably one of the most stressful jobs and undergoing cancer treatment at the same time. I should just quit right now.

2. Take all my retirement funds, max out my credit cards, sell everything I own, and spend the time and money traveling to all the different places I've always wanted to see. Maybe do a road trip across the US. While this option is probably my favorite, it has two very distinctive drawbacks: money and loneliness. I don't have all that much money in my retirement funds and selling all my property won't get me much more, and travel is costly! Also, I would get really lonely traveling by myself; therefore, I want to have a traveling companion, but I don't have anyone who would be able to spare the time.

3.  Get working on ticking off everything on my bucket list. This option has a similar problem as option 2 - money. Most things on my bucket list are pretty pricy. It's part of the reason why I haven't been able to check off items on the list.

4.  Do something really good with my last few months - go work in an aid camp in Africa, help rebuild Haiti, help educate children in an underdeveloped country, etc. This choice is probably the most viable. It wouldn't cost me much as I'd volunteer to work with an International Charitable NGO and at least I'd feel I was doing something worthwhile in my final months.

5.  Spend the entire time on my couch, reading every novel that I've ever want to read.  Again, this option is pretty viable too, but it might get really boring after a few months. Of course, I could combine the reading with the traveling or charity work.

Oh, add to all of these choices to stop worrying about eating healthily. I mean really, what's the point!  These were all the choices I came with. Did I miss any? What would you do if you were given a finite number of months to live??

Music Doesn't Lie - Part 26 (What'll I Do)

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music." – Jimi Hendrix 

I was recently searching for a song on YouTube to bring into school for my little cherubs to listen to and stumbled across Linda Ronstadt's version of the great Irving Berlin song "What'll I Do" and I just melted after hearing it again. I remember purchasing Ms. Ronstadt's album What's New? back in the mid-80s and loving all those beautiful standards, but particularly this song. Thirty years later, this song has much more meaning for me today that it ever did all those years ago. Back in my performer days, I remember discussing some of these standards to my voice coach as a suggestion for a cabaret show but somehow it never came about. Also, I remember having a heated argument over Ms. Ronstadt's American Songbook trilogy - my coach hated the albums, but I thought they were fantastic. He thought the tempo of the songs was too slow. Eh, whatever. To each their own. 

It saddened me when I heard earlier this year that Ms. Ronstadt has developed Parkinson's Disease and is unable to sing anymore. But having such fond remembrances of these albums has caused me to make digital purchases of the entire Linda Ronstadt-Nelson Riddle collection. There are so many amazing songs - like "Someone to Watch Over Me", "I Love You For Sentimental Reasons", and "My Funny Valentine".  Oooooh, how about: "Mean to Me" and "You Took Advantage of Me". Most of these songs have been added to my catharsis playlist, but top of the list is "What'll I Do?" Click here for the lyrics. Take a listen to the beauty of the lyrics and the lushness of Ms. Ronstadt's voice! You will be mesmerized.

Confirmed - Aliens Walk Among Us!

Have you ever wondered if aliens are living among us? It would be awfully arrogant of the human race to think that the Earth is the only planet in which there is intelligent life. After years of watching science fiction movies and television, I have always wanted to believe that one day they would made contact with us. Well, folks, I think it's official - aliens are real and are living on Earth. Bizarrely enough, they even have their own television specials. How do I know? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you two words:

David Blaine!

Last Tuesday, ABC aired a television special entitled: David Blaine: Real or Magic, which had an astonishing array of "magic" tricks to thrill and appall the watcher. "David Blaine entertains stars and newsmakers, including Will Smith, Olivia Wilde, Woody Allen, and Stephen Hawking, to get their reaction to his magic tricks..." (TV Guide). He repaired an eaten piece of a $20 bill with his mouth, rage-puked kerosene he’d swallowed in order to ignite a fire, pulled a string from his mouth through his eye (NOPE. STOP. CAN’T), and guessed the code to the iPhone of Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul (bitch!). He’s the craziest creature-thing I’ve ever seen. But  is it real or magic? I say it is neither. It is merely an alien being who is pulling off these supposed tricks. Don't bother trying to figure out how he does these feats - you will be wasting your time. According to Wikipedia, Mr. Blaine is the son of Patrice White and William Perez, but I say that is just a cover for his true pod non-person birth. Want evidence that Mr. Blaine is an alien? 

Evidence #1 - he doesn't bleed, even after impaling his hand on an ice-pick:

Kanye West is completely silent for a full 10 seconds after witnessing this feat - so perhaps David does have a bit of magic in him. “It looks pretty real, right?” Blaine kept asking everyone - because he doesn’t know what “real” means, because David Blaine is not real. Ricky Gervais watches in horror as David sticks a long-ass needle through his bicep. Ricky's commentary was the closest to my own as I sat there both fascinated and violently repelled: “Oh, for f---’s sake. F---ing how? …Are you mental?”

Evidence #2 - he chews on raw glass and lives only to pull an baby alligator out of a teeny tiny purse:

Katy Perry responds to this fascinating glass-eating phenomenon with wiping (alien?) blood from David's face, exclaiming: "Yeah, that might be blood, but I don't know if you actually bleed like the rest of us." No, Katy, he doesn't because he is not human! I can only assume that the alligator is Mr. Blaine's familiar - after all what other type of pet would an alien have - a cat or a dog?

My favorite moment might be a truly frightened Harrison Ford's response to David's impossible card trick:

If you missed, The Visitor's television special and would like to be equally enthralled and horrified by this alien life form, you can check out the entire special on YouTube. It does not disappoint!

What Do You Believe In?

I recently gave my students an identity poster project in which they have to examine their own identity. Next week, they have to bring in four aspects of their identity and create a poster about who they are. One of the items is a diary/journal entry which reflects on the one value or belief they most identify with; for example: independence, compassion, a supreme being, etc. Today, I was working on creating my own poster to use as an example for my students and found myself really reflecting on this component. I made an interesting discovery about myself and others when figuring out which belief is the strongest for me. 

What do I believe in? Honesty! I have lived the majority of my life believing in the old adage of "Honesty is the best policy," because as Judge Judy says "if you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory." As I was reflecting on this belief, I made a discovery about some people who have come through my life. I have discovered that:

People whose lives are filled with dishonesty, falsehoods, and duplicity are extraordinarily quick to accuse others of being deceitful. I can only assume because their lives are so deeply mired in lies that they automatically believe that everyone behaves in the same manner. Conversely, people who live their lives with complete and utter honesty (i.e., yours truly) always assume that most people are honest, which usually comes back to bite us in the arse!  

I have on occasion been accused by people that I had been dishonest about various things. These people were always those that I gave implicit trust (like parents, siblings, close friends, extended family members, etc.). In every instance, I had been completely truthful and forthright with these individuals. As it turned out on each and every occasion, my accusers were mired in a boatload of lies and falsehoods. They automatically went to the place that I must be lying when in fact the opposite was true. A truly interesting phenomenon.

What I have learned from all of this reflection is that there isn't much I can do about how other people view me or how they live their lives, I can only live with the knowledge that I am an honest person who expects other to be the same, but is more often than not disappointed. There are just too many people in the world for whom dishonesty is their way of life and that I should stop being frustrated when I'm consistently lied to. This lesson is probably an important one for a high school teacher, because after all, how can you tell if a teenager is lying?  Their lips are moving.  (Another Judge Judy-ism.)

What do you believe in?

Eyeball Bling? What The...WHAT!?!?

I am often amazed at the stupidity of people. I heard the following report on the morning news the other day:

A woman in New York City had a platinum heart jewel implanted in her eyeball, at the cost of a mere $3,000! The opthalmologist who performed this procedure says that he thinks it's pretty safe, but that she might have some local bleeding and perhaps an infection. Of course, the American Academy of Opthalmology is warning that this procedure might be dangerous (ya think!) and that there is not "sufficient evidence to support the safety or therapeutic value of this procedure." It urges people to "avoid placing in the eye any foreign body or material that is not approved by the FDA." The woman says: "50 percent of my friends are like what is it? Why do you need it oh my god are you crazy?" she says. "You're going to put something in your eye! But 50 percent of my friends are like oh my god it's super cool."  My conclusion after reading that statement: 50% of her friends are as moronic as she is!

Apparently, this woman is the first in NYC to have this procedure done, but it's been performed 100s of times in Europe and Los Angeles, ever since some doctor in Europe came up with this procedure in 2004. I'm sorry, but as someone who has never known, and never will know anything near 20/20 vision, I find the thought that someone would risk their vision in such a fantastically stupid way dumbfounding. Also, what is the point of it. To even see the stupid thing, you'd have to be inches away from her eye.

Of course the "doctor" who performed this procedure has a whole host of bizarre stories surrounding him. For example, when Gawker.com posted an article entitled "Best Roommate Ad Ever" about a Craigslist ad this weirdo opthalmologist placed looking for a roommate:

"Titled 'FREE STUDIO ON PARK AVE FOR PERSONAL ASSISTANT!', the post offers a free studio apartment in the basement of his office building in exchange for services as a 'personal assistant'. (Women only!) Including: Spending an hour 'either walking on my back... or if you are more than 115, you can just give me a deep masage.' Plus, helping him tidy up 'my ski house, my beach house, or my other beach house.' Also, finding him a girlfriend: 'Part of your assignment will probably be to reactivate my match.com profile and troll for dates for me, as i don't really have the time to do this properly.' A daunting task, but if you succeed in finding Chynn a woman he eventually marries, you are richly rewarded—by his parents: 'my parents will give you a reward of $10,000 in cash, ie bills, so that's a bonus!' We have spent enough time researching Dr. Chynn to suspect this is likely true." (Gawker.com)

Here's another article (from Huffington Post) about this bizarre doctor, which can give you even more information than you would ever want to know about him. Yeah, I'm going to trust my eyesight to this freak! 

How Do You De-Stress?

Today was a horrendous workday. My students were acting like douchebags and I ended up losing my temper with 2 of my most heinous classes. It got so bad, I actually thought that I would be terminated or would quit before the end of the day. So when I got home I really needed to de-stress from the day, but I was unsure of what to do.

Years ago, I would have turned to alcoholic beverages to get me over the hump, but since I've stopped imbibing in alcohol, that's not an option.  Food is a temporary source of comfort, but I'm trying to eat healthier these days and I've had a couple of recent "bad" food days, so that's out as well - although I'm not exactly ruling out a trip to Starbucks! I'm not someone who enjoys meditation or yoga - in fact, I hate it, so that's not going to work. Listening to music on the way home from school didn't cut it - it ended up annoying me. I can't seem to concentrate enough to read or even watch television. I'm thinking that my last alternative is to just go to bed and forget about the horrors of the day and hope that tomorrow is better, but it's kind of early for that. I'd end up being wide awake at 2am. <sigh>  I just don't know what else to try.

Anyone else have ways to de-stress that I didn't think of?  I could use some alternatives.

Why Run Marathons?

Nausea. Dizziness. Dehydration. Cardiac arrest. Torn Achilles tendons. Shin splints. Stress fractures. Groin strains. Calf strains. Dislocated kneecaps. Plantar fasciitis. Plica syndrome. Pulled hamstrings. The possibility of losing control of your bodily functions and experiencing what the running community euphemistically refers to as a "G.I. incident". Bleeding nipples. The chance, however slight, that the exertion may literally kill you.

Okay, I just don't get it! What is the recent uptick of people that I know who are training, running, and/or completing marathons and half marathons? Quite frankly the only way I'm running 26.2 miles (or even 13.1 miles) is if a monster is chasing me with a knife. Even then I might lay down after half a mile and let the beast devour me. That seems less painful than running.

So can someone please explain how my friends - most of them former couch potatoes - are suddenly deciding that running a marathon is the thing to do? I just don't understand it. And don't talk to me about endorphins. No matter how many times I workout, I have never experienced the so called "endorphin rush"! Also, from all accounts I've read (like this article and this article), marathon running is unhealthy and I'm not even counting the trauma to joints, which is giving orthopedic surgeons and physical therapists job security!

In the United States, more than half a million people finished a marathon last year. What is driving people to do this heinous act? I know I have a few marathoner friends. You really need to explain this phenomenon to me. Me? I'd rather sit at home, reading a good book than beating up my body for some unhealthy and quite frankly dumb (to me) act. Not all marathoners can be goal-oriented, Type-A personalities, so why do you do it?

Trolls Are People Too!

Funny story: Over the past couple of weeks, I've repeated a specific statement to a few friends and all of these friends except one completely misinterpreted what I was saying. I thought I'd share it because I find it rather amusing. In chatting with these various friends, the statement I retold was as follows:

"A 100 year old, one legged troll with a hair lip has a better chance of finding someone who is attracted to him than I do."

Now, I find that sentence to be a rather amusing gross exaggeration of my wretched luck when it comes to romantic relationships. But these friends (minus one) all got the wrong impression. Instead of attributing this statement to my terrible, awful, shitty luck in romance, they thought that I was denigrating my looks. Okay, I am completely realistic about my looks. I know that I will never be the next top model, but I certainly think that I look better than the aforementioned troll. I mean look at this picture that I found - there's no comparison. Between the greenish tinged skin and the purple nose and ears, that is one pretty unattractive troll and yet I'm sure there is a Mrs. Troll somewhere. And good for him - after all, trolls deserve love too!  Don't they?

No, all I'm saying that some people are lucky in love and some are not. There's that old statement: Lucky in cards; unlucky in love. Sadly though, I am equally unlucky at cards so I'm not sure where that actually leaves me. I guess I'm just generally unlucky. Anyhow, I just thought I'd share this funny (at least to me) story.

Do You Constantly Ask Yourself: "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?"

Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Ladies: Do you find the following statements running through your brain: "I'm not good enough." "I'm valued for what I do rather than who I am." "I'm unlovable."? Do you feel emptiness inside, and a general lack of contentment? Do you struggle with love relationships and have difficulty trusting people? Do you fear that you will become like your mother? If so, have I got a book for you to read. I've mentioned in a previous posting that I usually find self help books to be pretty useless, but I happened to stumble upon a book while researching something for school and the title intrigued me enough to pick up and read: Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (2008) by Karyl McBride, Ph.D.

Synopsis:  "The first book for daughters who have suffered the abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life. Drawing on more than two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women’s health and hundreds of interviews with suffering daughters, Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the widespread effects of this emotional abuse and create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery.

Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness. They may also have a fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy romantic relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism or to self-sabotage and frustration..." (Amazon.com)

Review: I spent a lot of time and money discussing with my former therapist about growing up with narcissistic parents, but never really got a good grasp on how to deal with these emotions, which is why I'm glad I stumbled across this book. In Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Dr. McBride draws from her 28 years as a therapist and from her own experience as such a daughter and creates a guide that is at once rigorous and deeply personal.

The book is divided into three parts designed to lead daughters raised by narcissistic mothers into recovery. Part One is about identifying the situation you are in and understanding how it changed you as a child. Part Two demonstrates that the results of the emotional abuse of the past are the pain and difficulties you are dealing with now as an adult. Part Three discusses how you can recover from your traumatic childhood and lead a happier and more fulfilling life.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is a practical guide to help daughters of narcissistic mothers to recover from the effects of their mothers' mistreatment. It is not intended to be a full scale discussion of the causes and treatment of narcissism nor of any current scientific theories, but a source to help the people most severely impacted by it. McBride offers specific behaviors to help with recovery. It is well organized and reasonably easy to follow. The writing is solid and engaging. Overall, this is a terrific book and a real support for those women who have or had narcissistic mothers.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Vanity License Plates - Cool or Lame?

I feel sorry for the husband!

How do you feel about vanity plates? Personally, I hate them and think they are pompous and arrogant. Drivers who get these annoying plates are equally pompous and arrogant. My apologies to any friends who have these ridiculous plates, but I truly cannot stand them. There's a teacher where I work who has one and even though I like this person - he is totally arrogant and pompous! Which brings me to a news story I heard the other day, one that makes me shake my head with annoyance:

In 2010, a New Hampshire man, David Montenegro who legally changed his name last year to "human", asked the NH DMV for a vanity license plate that says COPSLIE and the DMV refused to issue the plate. The NH DMV regulations say a vanity plate can be denied if a reasonable person might find it offensive to good taste. human has now taken his case to the NH Supreme Court saying that the decision violates his political free speech rights.

I have so many problems with this story the least being the actual license plate. Can we start with this idiot changing his name to "human"? What a douchebag! Then there's the license plate: COPSLIE. Of course, cops have been known to lie and quite frankly are allowed to misrepresent the facts in order to get a confession. Big deal. Lastly, this guy needs to get a life. Taking this case to the NH Supreme Court is foolish and waste of time and resources. Unsurprising, this guy is currently unemployed and has been arrested twice for attempted jaywalking and protesting police misconduct. Maybe he can find better use of all that free time to help feed the homeless or reading to the elderly, etc. Seriously, dude - GET A LIFE!

But I digress, what do you think:

Are vanity plates lame or cool?

Electronic Free Sundays!

Approximately 5 or 6 years ago, I had said that I was going to start implementing one "electronic free" day per week! I planned to take one day a week (generally on Sundays) and completely disconnect from the internet, the computer, the smart phone, email, etc. and use the time to explore the world, go to museums or zoos, read books, write, etc. I was pretty successful for awhile and then eventually the electronics slowly crept back into my life. Maybe I had a paper due for school and didn't get it done, so I needed to boot up the computer. Or I'd forget to turn off the phone and someone would text, call, email me and I'd stupidly answer the text, call or email. Well, no more!

After spending the majority of today on my couch, on the computer, and watching television, I've decided that it's time to implement Electronic Free Sundays again. Starting tomorrow, I will turn off the computer, the cell phone, and the television, and spend the day doing non-technology related activities. I noticed that I don't read as much as I used to because I'm either watching a movie or a television show. I certainly feel like I don't spend quality time with myself. I definitely have not spent enough time communing with nature. Time to remedy that!

I think it's a wise idea for everyone to take a break once a week from their electronics. Unplug yourself and focus on spending time with your family, friends, and (especially) yourself without the distractions of technology. Each individual will have to decide what electronics they are willing to do without for the day. Some people might include automobiles, microwaves and stoves, others may turn off just computers and cell phones, but continue to use e-readers or cameras. It's up to you to decide what you are willing to live without. For me, television might be difficult to do without - particularly when it's Downton Abbey or Once Upon a Time Sunday, but that's why we have DVRs.

There's a great website called Sabbath Manifesto that is specifically geared for people who would like to unplug one day a week. It even has ten principles to help guide those who are looking to get away from technology for the day:

1. Avoid technology
2. Connect with loved ones
3. Nurture your health
4. Get outside
5. Avoid commerce
6. Light candles
7. Drink wine
8. Eat bread
9. Find silence
10. Give back

I will say that there are a couple of principles that I cannot do - avoid commerce and drink wine, but otherwise, I think this list is a pretty good list to go by. Each individual Will this be easy? Probably not, but I am determined to start this practice up again. I will say that I will not be going

Who is with me? If you're not with me, but are looking for me on Sunday, I'll get back to you on Monday. :-)

Update on Sunday night: Well, I nearly made it through the entire day electronic free. I gave in around 6pm after spending the day reading a novel. When I gave up, I checked my phone for messages, emails and watched a couple of episodes of Breaking Bad. Oh well, there's always next week.

7th Chemo Treatment Doesn't Happen...

This morning, I arrived at the oncologist's office fully intending on spending the day being pumped full of toxins which I was hoping would be my last treatment. Turns out that didn't happen! Not that I received good news. What I did receive was unsurprising and extremely honest news from my doctor.

As is customary, I had some blood drawn and my vitals checked before meeting with the oncologist. All were normal and I've lost 18 pounds. The doctor came into the exam room and we got to talking about my symptoms - particularly the latest and greatest one: mouth sores. The minute the doctor saw and heard about these sores, he decided not to proceed with the 7th treatment and explained his reasoning.  Here's a summary of our conversation:  

Seven treatments is a pretty arbitrary number that studies have shown to be most effective for my particularly brand of cancer. Then he went on to explain that my cancer is not curable. It's about extending my life and not eradicating the cancer. While the treatment has been effective, it's just a matter of time as to when the tumors will resume growing. So for now he wants to stop the treatment because of the extensive amount of side effects that I'm having.  His thought process is that every three months I should have a scan and see where the nodules are and then after that figure out what the next treatment might be. Either a continuation of the current treatment, or something new, or perhaps a clinical trial. (Or as I might decide, no treatment at all and just let nature run its course.)

I must say it made for a nice change of pace to actually have a doctor not blow smoke up my tukhus. Maybe other people would prefer a doctor to not be fully honesty about their disease, but I am not such a person. I'd rather someone be brutally honest, than lie to me. I want the reality of the situation; not the wishes and dreams. Does this mean that I give up hope? Of course not. I would like to think that the treatment has worked and I won't have growth for 20 or 30 or 40 years, but the statistics speak for themselves. As I've mentioned there's only a 15-20% chance that I will see my 52nd birthday.

Where do I go from here?  In early December, I will go back to the oncologist (my original one who will be back from maternity leave by then) and will probably have a CT scan to see what's going on. Meanwhile, I will: continue to live my life, teach students who don't want to learn, and find enjoyment in watching the sun rise every morning.

Music Doesn't Lie - Part 25 (Tuesday)

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music." – Jimi Hendrix

I was just looking through this series of blogs and realized that I have made a HUGE mistake! I have not made any mention to one of my favorite bands: The Bacon Brothers! Yes, as in actor Kevin Bacon - who along with his brother, Michael, started this band in 1995. I became aware of this incredible band when a good friend asked me along to a concert in New York, I believe, in 1996. I was immediately hooked! Thanks, Terry. The Bacon Brothers have given me years of enjoyment.

What type of music do they play? Well, it's a hodge podge of styles.  They named their first album, Forosoco, which is an amalgamation of their style of music: FOlk, ROck, SOul, and COuntry. Not only is Forosoco brilliant, you can add White Knuckles, New Years Day, Getting There, and Can't Complain to the list of amazing albums.

Today, I was listening to one of the 7 Bacon Brothers albums that I have and I just needed to post about what an awesome band these brothers have. Coming up with my favorite song or even my favorite album is a tough call. I love each of the albums and all the songs. I tried to find the song that held the most meaning for me, but again it's a tough call.  Do I highlight "Peace Dance", which always makes me happy every time I hear it? Or how about "Guess Again" or "T.M.I." which are hilarious? (Unfortunately, there aren't any videos posted of these two songs.) "New Year's Day" is another good one - here's a great acoustic version. I guess I'm going to go with the heartbreak song - "Tuesday" (I'm such a sucker for a good heartbreak song):

A Cancer War Update...

For those of you who are keeping track of my cancer battle, here's the latest:  

I will be going through at least one more round of chemotherapy. According to my oncologist, "research shows that 7 rounds of chemo is the most effective for treating [my] type of cancer." Yeah, sounds like a load of crappola to me too, but I'm going with it. Ergo, this Friday, I head back to the cancer center for what will be my 7th, and hopefully last, round. After Friday's treatment, they'll schedule a CT scan to see what's going on with the lung nodules. With any luck, there will be no evidence of cancer and I can take a break from chemotherapy.

In other news, I am practically drinking all my food these days - thanks to the horrendous mouth sores. Even soft foods like yogurt and pudding are a little too harsh right now for my tender tongue and painful gums. GNC is making a fortune off of my buying their protein powder which is one of few things that I can "eat". I suppose the upside to the inability to eat is that I've now lost 15 pounds, so that should make my doctor happy. Yes, I will state it again - the chemotherapy diet is effective but I do not recommend it. 

Otherwise, there isn't much else to report. I still have fairly painful and completely annoying neuropathy which I suspect will not be going away anytime soon. Fatigue is still an issue but I can proudly say, other than treatment days, I still have not missed one day of work. Although I'm starting to wonder if that's a good thing or a stupid thing! 

That's all for now.  Stay tuned for further developments.

Are You an "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" Person or ...

...an "Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" Person?

I was contemplating this question on my drive home today. See, I'm an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" kind of person. As I was stuck in traffic, I got to thinking about a trip that I'm planning back to NYC soon to see some of my friends. In particular, I'm looking forward to possibly seeing my City College posse ("Vaya con dios"), my law firm friends, and my performer compadres. While I do not miss NYC, I do miss seeing my friends and wish that they would all just move up here to be nearer to me. (I'm selfish like that.) Then I realized how much I really and truly adore my friends and when I don't see them, I miss them even more. See - absence makes my heart grow fonder!

But then I started thinking of the people that I know who are the "out of sight, out of mind" type of person and I've come to a conclusion about these two types of people. I think that the "Absence=Fonder" people are those who fits into the obsessive category (i.e, yours truly) and the "OOS, OOM" people are those that lean toward the ADD/ADHD category. It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Obsessives think and think and contemplate and remember, while the ADD/ADHD are easily distracted and constantly on the go. Or am I stereotyping too much? 

I'd love to see some research on this subject, but alas, probably most researchers would find this subject a poor use of their time.  What do you think?  Which one are you?