The "I Hate You and Hope You Suffer" Stage

[Updated on 9/27/2012]  We've all been there.  You fall for someone, they tell you all the sweet things you've always wanted someone to say to you, then they rip your heart out, and just walk away, but even after they do that, you still miss them and want them back.  That is, until you reach the "I Hate You and Hope You Suffer" stage!  For me, this stage took a lot longer to happen then I thought it would. After missing and dealing with this loss for eons and still wanting this person in my life, I finally hit this phase in the grieving process.  Whew!

What finally made it all click was remembering more and more the never ending litany of lies that this person told me the entire time that we were communicating.  Lies such as: how he hadn't "been able to forget [me] since meeting" me, how we were "kindred spirits" and "would always be in each other's life forever," how he liked to take his time working out so he could spend time with his "two favorite girls" (me and Judge Judy), and, my personal favorite, how he "would always be there" for me no matter what. These are just a few examples of a huge amount of things he said to me. Bah. Lies, I tell you.... LIES!  But I fell for it.  Hook, line and sinker! But as I mentioned in my Karma for Users post, this person just used me for his own nefarious purposes and left behind a bitter, broken person who suffers with feelings of anger, disappointment and mistrust.  It finally hit me today that all that anger and disappointment over those untruths overrides any affectionate feelings that I, unfortunately, still have for this person. Being a genuinely kind person and a pacifist, I would never actually wish anyone harm - even someone who hurt me as much as this person did.  My hope is that he feels perhaps a small modicum of guilt over his perfidy and is suffering because of it.  Bbbbuttttttt... I highly doubt it because one only feels guilty when they hurt the people they care for.  As he never actually cared about me, I'm certain he sleeps very well at night. Oh well, I'll just have to hope that karma plays its hand. In the meantime, how's that saying go: "Living well is the best revenge" (George Herbert, English poet and orator (1593-1633)).

Of course, envisioning this man staked out naked over a fire ant hill covered in honey in the middle of a desert with a pool of water just out of reach does make me smile.