The Surgical Consult - Just When You Think It Can't Get Worse...

...it does! Today, I drove myself to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston to have a consult with my gynecological oncologist. What I thought was going to be chat about scheduling surgery and then post-op care, turned drastically different in a heartbeat. Turns out that my cancer is worse than originally anticipated and unfortunately, my fantastic surgeon, who was incredibly lovely and supportive (exactly what you want in a surgeon), had to be the bearer of truly shitty news!

The sad news is that the CT scan shows that the cancer has spread outside the uterus and is now also located in my lungs. Shit! What does this mean for treatment?  It means that while I still have to have surgery, it also means that I need to have chemotherapy to try and kill the cancer that has spread to my lungs. It also means that I do not have Stage 3 cancer, but I have Stage 4. FFFFFFFFFFFFF*************K!  Yeah, okay, I have been dealt a really shitty hand in this life. I'm thinking that in a past life, I killed Gandhi and am being severely punished for it. Okay, maybe not Gandhi but I did something really awful in a past life. It also means that Kris Carr can go eff herself!

So what are the next steps? Keep my chin and spirits up, have my surgery, start chemo, hope for the best, expect the worse, and prepare myself for going back to the classroom come fall.  Unfortunately, being the realist that I am, I did ask my doctor what the worse case scenario is for this illness. Let's just say you wouldn't plunk any money down in Vegas with these odds he passed along about the 5 year survival rate; or if you did, you'd lose your shirt and your pants. Granted, I'm not going out and picking out a headstone, but I also might not need my retirement plan. Keep checking back for further updates.

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On a different note, yesterday, I decided to spend the day at school, meeting with each of my classes for about 5 minutes to give them the complete story as I knew it because they had heard all sorts of rumors about my health.  It was a long, physically and mentally exhausting day, but ultimately it was beneficial - for all of us.  I got to see my lovely cherubs and they got some closure.  Although they do not know the entire extent of my illness because I didn't know it myself until today.  I'm glad.  They don't need to know it.

I miss my munchkins. Below is just one of the many lovely, loving messages that my kiddos have sent.