The Fourth Chemo Treatment...

Today was the right arm, which really
limited my ability to do anything

Much as I love the nurses on the cancer ward of Anna Jacques Hospital, I am so over chemotherapy treatment. Yeah, I know, I know. It's extending my life, but seriously I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 2-4 treatments. Thank goodness the nurses are so amazing or I'd probably stage a revolt and never go back again, which is always an option. It's not even that it's difficult or painful...Well that's not entirely true. Today's treatment started out fairly painful. I have really tiny veins so it's always a struggle to get the needle in my hand/arm. Today, it took three different needle sticks before they could find a vein, which was quite painful. It's not the nurses' fault but the fault of my ruddy veins. Then it was another 6 hours of unproductive sitting around, feeling slightly queasy, bs-ing with the nurses (which that was the best part of the day), and the occasional nap. Yeah, I hate this situation and really don't want to do it anymore, especially as I know what next week is going to be like: fatigue, pain, nausea, insomnia, etc. You've heard all about the nasty side effects before, no need to repeat them ad nauseum.

Consequently, all the time sitting in that chair lead me to my next thought/decision - if the cancer comes back or I develop a third primary cancer, I'm done with chemo. I'm just going to let nature take its course and see what happens. I say "Let the chips fall where they may." I'm going to get a boatload of grief over this decision, but it's my life and I'll do what I want and I don't want to go through chemotherapy ever again. I'll finish these next few treatments, but if it returns, I'm not doing treatment again, unless someone can give me a really, really good reason why. And by good reason, it better be a beyond brilliant reason!

I admire people who have the fortitude to go through multiple cancer treatments. I read an article from 2011 about a man from Warminster, PA who over the course of 20 years was diagnosed with 12 different cancers.  He finally passed away in 2013, so the Big C finally won the war. I equate his cancer woes with the many pointless wars in history - why the hell would you put resources and effort into fighting a losing battle. Maybe it was because he had a wife, children, and grandchildren which gave him a good reason to fight. I don't know, but I know I'm done after these next few treatments.

Yeah, I'm in a rare mood today! Sorry about this rant, but I'm cranky, utterly exhausted, and feeling overwhelmed!

6 hours of staring at this view!