A Message to Enablers: Just Stop!

Awhile back, I made a complaint about people's lack of personal responsibility.  I'd like to add a new complaint which is in the same vein.  In fact, I think it's even worse: People who are enablers of the ones with no personal responsibility! What exactly is an enabler? As I see it, it’s someone who is trying to help another person, but is actually doing more harm than good. Why? Because they are seeing to it that the person they are trying to help becomes more entrenched in their problems by not forcing them to help themselves. Enablers actually mean well and they care a lot, yet they are making it not only possible, but even easy for the person to continue their problematic behavior.  

So what's my beef about this time?  I keep seeing examples of enabling all the time these days between school and TFA. In school, I have parents enabling their children by excusing their behavior for a multitude of reasons.  Most recently, I had a parent tell me that I have to allow for his son sleeping through my class or not doing any work because he's bipolar.  Wow, big time enabling -- that's an excuse and a poor one at that. I have a few friends who are bipolar and function quite well in this world.  Get him some medication and stop making excuses.

Don't get me started on TFA, which is just rife with enablers.  They excuse every bad behavior on the part of students and parents - blaming the education system for everything.  Now while I agree that the education system is not the most well functioning of systems, you cannot possibly blame everything on the education system.  How is it the system's fault if parents are disengaged with their children's education?  I was speaking with a parent the other morning who had noticed that out of 400+ students, only about 7 or 8 parents showed up for an 7:30am breakfast meeting with the principal and teachers.  She was so eloquent about the lack of parental responsibility in overseeing their child's education.  It also explains why her child is in my honors class and is doing quite well.  She takes the time to be involved in her son's education. 

So a word of advice for the enablers out there: you are not doing your loved ones any good by making excuses.  At some point you have to stop helping people so that they can start helping themselves. While I may occasionally have to kick my student's butts and let them sink or swim, it's not because I don't care.  I do!!  But they need to learn to do things for themselves.

Oh!  And... stop giving everyone a trophy for every little accomplishment. That drives me completely insane! "Here little Bobby or Suzie, your team came in last place - here's a trophy!"  Gah!