Thursday, September 4, 2014

Decision Made - Next Steps (A Cancer Update)

As everyone is now aware, I have a big decision to make on what to do about my recurrent cancer metastases (see September 2 blog), but to sum up the choices: same chemo treatment from last year, Tamoxifen, Bevacizumab, or nothing. I have made my decision. Truthfully, I made this decision months ago about what I would do if the nodules started to regrow, but faced with the actuality, I did want to give it a couple of days to see if I still felt the same way. I do. Here's my decision:

I will not be seeking any further treatment for my cancer.

I do have my reasons and they are plentiful, but it boils down to the following - I want quality of life; not quantity. I've earned it and I deserve it. Instead of holding off the inevitable, I intend to make the most out of what life I have left. Some people will disagree with my decision, but that's not my problem. There's a quote from the 1995 remake of Sabrina, which expresses my sentiments: "More isn't always better...Sometimes it's just more." I don't want to spend the next few months or years feeling sick and suffering horrible side effects for treatments that aren't a cure. If I had a spouse or children, I might feel differently, but I don't have either.

What are the next steps? Believe me, I do have a plan. 
  • Hand in my resignation for work (tomorrow)
  • Find a new home for my sweet baby girl (anyone want an amazing cat?)
  • Apply for disability
  • Sort through and get rid of any personal items that are unnecessary (yearbooks, scrapbooks, photos that are only of interest to me, etc.)
  • Sell all possessions (apartment furniture, books, tchotchkes, etc.)
  • Cash in all retirement accounts
  • Prepay for cremation 
  • Get out of my apartment lease
  • Find a crash pad (probably my brother's house in Philadelphia, but am open for suggestions)
  • TRAVEL!!!!
The last one is the biggie. My plan is to spend as much time as I can -- while I still feel well enough -- to travel to places I have always wanted to go and return to some of my favorite places. I would like to spend a couple of months traveling around Europe. Just a short list of places that I plan to visit are: Edinburgh, Glasgow, London, Oxford, Stonehenge, Dublin, The Blarney Stone, Amsterdam, Prague, Paris, Vienna, Salzburg, Barcelona, Venice, Florence, Rome, Naples, Malta, Athens, and anywhere else that my heart decides to go (the "red" cities are places I've been to before but want to revisit). My plan is to use my blog as a travelogue for everyone to follow along with my adventures.

Once I've finished my Grand Tour of Europe, I'll return home where I plan on having a couple of ... well, let's call them Irish Wakes in which the deceased is present at the party. I'd like to bid a fond farewell to my friends and family by holding a couple of strategically placed parties. I'd like to also plan a trip to the West Coast (LA area) in order to see my friends who have deserted the East Coast for warmer climes. 

While these plans are merely in the initial phases, I believe that all of these items can be done before my health starts failing and I eventually meet with the grim reaper. Again, I ask for everyone's support with the decision that I have made. 

38 comments:

Erin said...

you are doing for you and it's all you can do. You're amazballs Sandi!!

Tom said...

You have my support. But I also expect to go with you on one or more of these Travel Trips. Visiting a place is not as fun without someone snarky along.

Sandi said...

Thanks, Erin. Tom, you are always invited to come along and/or meet me wherever I am.

Lee said...

Well it seems you have one hell of a plan, my friend! 8 support your decision! Hopefully your plan will include coming back to SoFlo.... I would love to see you and have a toast to the memories! I love ya, Sandi! I value our friendship and feel blessed that we found each other again! Please keep writing and call if you can.... <3

Sandi said...

One of the "strategically" placed parties is scheduled for SoFlo, so we can have a great send off. The others are Mass and NYC/NJ. Love you too, Lee.

Lauren said...

I'm here for you sweetie xxx please let me know when you head to London.. I would like to meet up with you. Plus I can help plan your Malta trip xxxxx hugs xxxxxx

Sandi said...

Lauren, you read my mind. I was definitely going to let you know when I would be in London and get recommendations for Malta. I only go to the knowledgeable sources. xoxoxox

Lauren said...

my bf is next to me and he said he knows a few people in Dublin who can help you out and show you around too.. We got your back xxxx

Sandi said...

You guys are the BEST!!!!!!

Jacqueline said...

I'd also love to meet up in London!!! I can advise on Scotland too as I lived in Edinburgh for 2.5 years! :-)

Sandi said...

Another great mind! I totally planned on hitting you up for Scotland suggestions. Plus I'd love to catch up when I get to London. xoxo

Jacqueline said...

Yay!! I'm only going to be positive about this - you can pack a lot of life into a year or two!

Sandi said...

That's my plan, my friend.

Janine said...

Wow, Sandi this is some heavy stuff. It saddens me terribly, but I understand your position. I'm only 1.5 hours away from Philly so promise me you'll let me know when you are there so I can come up to see you. Xoxo.

Sandi said...

I promise to let you know when I get to Philly. It'll be good to see you!

Tina said...

When you get to Philly- I'm only 40 minutes away from you!!!

Paige said...

awesome plan! I will join the SoFla wake unless you venture through Richmond while wandering. if so, you have someone to visit and a place to stay.

Marianne said...

I am totally supportive and just renewed my passport. Always wanted to go to Ireland and Scotland. Let me know if you want a travel companion. Maybe in the Spring?

Jennifer said...

Very sad news... but I support your decision. I can not imagine having to face that challenge -- but I imagine I would feel the same way. I can't wait to read about your adventures!!! And if you head to Asia at all, let me know and I have lots of suggestions. And please let us know when you are in Philly -- we want to see you! And if you decide to travel the US at all, we would love to have you in Bloomington! Hugs.

Sandi said...

I could probably arrange a visit to Bloomington on my way west to see you and Tina. xoxo

Elizabeth said...

With you all the way- I don't travel but I do have extra room on Seminole Road in North Brunswick- the food is not as good as was when Aunt Jean was here but the door is always open- Love Ya Cuz!

Jennifer said...

And we can sing poodle songs -- "the new puppy will looooovvve you!!!"

Maureen said...

You better include me in the NY/NJ shindig!! Such a difficult decision you made but knowing you, your adventures will be awesome! xoxo

Sandi said...

Elizabeth, such fond memories of Seminole Road and your mom's amazing cooking! I will definitely come for a visit. Jennifer, LMAO!!! I'm hearing the song in my head now! Maureen, of course you are included in the shindig! xoxox Much love!!

Agatha said...

Atlanta always has a room for you too. Xxoo

Susan said...

Sandi I look forward to reading of your travels. I have not been back to NYC since I moved away. I cant think of anything I would rather return for than your party! Please include me on your invite list. Thinking of you tonight! You are a brave and amazing woman!

Sandi said...

Susie-Q, you will definitely be invited! xoxo

Unknown said...

Niagara Falls? Toronto?? all via Buffalo?? I love you!!!!!

Sandi said...

Jodi, definitely a trip to Buffalo/Niagara/Toronto is in order - but not in the winter! :-)

Martin said...

Support! much Love and Hugs.....Please catch up in NY/Charlotte. I think I could be a good wing man!

Sandi said...

LOL!! Sounds like a plan, Martin.

Greg said...

Sending you lots of good thoughts and support Sandi

Barbara said...

I expected that was the way you were leaning. Remember the old TV show "Run for Your Life." That is just what Ben Gazzarra did, travel the world. :-) Let me know if you do come to LA. :-)

Heather A said...

Deeply affected by this news of the return of the cancer. Had no idea of your blog. Completely understand and support your decisions. You are such an inspiration. I hope to be able to see you and spend sometime together. Let me know if you will be around NY or Ct. Send info on your kitty I will try to find a great home. Come visit me in Ct if you want a get away. You are an amazing beautiful person! So talented. Excited for you world tour! You are in my thoughts and prayers to the universe.
LOVE! !!

Donna P said...

Ok Sandi I just read this blog... And now I 100%champion your decision to live life and go on this adventure. You go girl! Life is full of living in the moment and treasuring it... This trip will feed your heart and soul and all you see.
Keep posting as I want to read ea step if this journey. Life is precious and connections are the most important.
In the end we will all be together in the heavens above. Ahhh if only I could meet you in Florence by The David. Touch the David for me...xoxox
Love you Sandi.
Donna P

Kim said...

May you feel loved and supported every moment of every day on this incredible journey. I send you mine in abundance. <3

Gretchen said...

Sandi, I thought I had successfully posted a comment previously yet I don't see it.

First, you are brave, courageous, and wise. I totally understand, empathize and agree w your decision. How could anyone not!? It is your life to LIVE and apparently that's your plan!! And, yes yes yes...Do write often of your travels and what moves your heart. We will read each one with the same loving hearts.

Finally, I am sorry you must face this. Terribly so. But you are leading us all forward by your good example. Prayers and good vibes and love...all being sent to you. Xo/Gretchen



Sandi said...

Awwww, Gretchen! That is the nicest response and if anyone can appreciate my predicament, it is you! Thanks for the love and support. xoxo