Apathy is most commonly defined as "a lack of feeling, emotion,
interest, or concern. It is a state of indifference, or the suppression
of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and/or passion"
(Wikipedia). What do you do when apathy strikes?! I assume most people go through some sort of "lack of interest" phase on occasion.
A few days ago I came to a realization: I am completely apathetic about everything these days. Here are a few of the many things of which I am completely indifferent: my 75% student failure rate, the fact that there is a high probability that my cancer is growing, that I'm weeks behind on work commitments, that I just spent a ridiculous amount of money on auto repair which nearly wiped out my savings. These are all things which should be upsetting, frustrating, and distressing. But I am feeling...erm...nothing. I don't really care what's going on in any of my favorite television shows (except Sherlock). I'm even apathetic about writing this post (case in point, it's taken me 4 days to write it).
For most of my adult life, I have been someone who gets fired up about all sorts of things: politics, sports, injustice, human rights, etc. But lately that passion has just dissipated. In the past, this thing with Gov. Chris Christie would have got me on my high horse and protesting what a liar and scumbag he is, but I could not give a rat's ass that he is lying through his teeth about "Bridgegate". Although, I am moderately content that this scandal might kill his presidential dreams.
It's very strange: I'm not depressed, sad, bored, worried, anxious, happy, excited, optimistic, etc. I'm just indifferent. I'm trying to figure out where my passion has gone, did someone steal it? Is this lethargy a temporary thing, and what caused it? Is there anything that can be done about apathy or does it just run its course? Is it exhaustion? Is it the weather? Is it burnout because I've spent the past four months cajoling, entreating, threatening, and fighting with students? Is it a combination of all the different stressors (weather, work, exhaustion, and health issues)? I wish I knew... sort of, except, well, y'know... I kinda don't really care. Hmmm...
I am not so apathetic that I couldn't thoroughly enjoy Jon Stewart hilariously skewering Gov. Christie! See below:
I am not so apathetic that I couldn't thoroughly enjoy Jon Stewart hilariously skewering Gov. Christie! See below:
9 comments:
I feel the same most of the times. Been that way for me for most of the last 3 years. But I know what's attributing to my total lack of giving a shit. I need a change of life. A new job. A new city. A new social life. They say our bodies undergo changes every 7 years. So as I approach my 8th change (sort of like the regeneration of the Doctor), I feel the need too, to shake it up and turn this apathy toward a positive direction, like to Flow on your chart. Not to say I have the answer but maybe you need a new distraction or life event to kick-start your passion. A vacation, a one-woman play, write a book. How about some song lyrics for me? I've got tons of tunes I've been writing but no words. A sign of my lack of passion. Sorry for your doldrums. Here's hope to a short Winter and a wonderful Spring. The sign of rebirth of nature.
Well, vacation's not happening - thanks to the car repair expense, but maybe I can find something else to kick start. Good ideas. If I can just get myself motivated to do something. Mostly, I just sit on the couch staring into space and mindlessly watching television.
Sometimes I think apathy is a healthy defense mechanism. Your brain puts up a shield to protect itself when there is just too much to deal with. It kinda sands the corners and sharp edges of things so you can avoid injury
Oh I love, love, love that! That's how I'm going to look at apathy moving forward! You're such a genius, Kim!
I just wonder if this is a known side-effect of one of your chemotherapeutic agents. Sounds like it to me. Maybe worth asking your physician about...
If I muster up enough interest, I might do that.
Hang in there sweetie! Apathy strikes with depression. You have had a lot to deal with for a long time and a lot of reasons to be depressed. You are a fighter with a strong survival instinct. Give yourself time to rest your mind and get back on that horse. It was so good to spend time with you at your mom's funeral. I am here if you need me. Judy
Judy, but I'm not depressed - at all. Trust me, as someone who has spent most of her lifetime battling depression, I know all about depression induced apathy. But seriously, no depression, but lots of indifference. I don't get it.
One day at a time then. It will pass. Could be you are just plain run down and tired. Xoxo
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