Ex-friends are a strange phenomenon to me. I remember eons ago (or so if feels like), a colleague back in my law firm days would tell tale upon tale of all her ex-friends and I found this commentary rather curious. I didn't have ex-friends...at the time. I had no idea what an ex-friend was. Sure, I had friends I didn't see anymore, but that didn't make them ex-friends. Just friends that I lost touch with but they are people I still consider friends. If we were to see each other again, our friendship would still be intact.
I acknowledge that over the years, I have some friends for whom our friendships have grown away each other and we are no longer friends, but I still wouldn't consider them "ex-friends". Just old friends for whom I no longer wished to remain friends. We didn't have a major falling out; we just went our separate ways. In fact, two of those friends recently contacted me due my recent medical woes saying that they were sending me positive thoughts, blah, blah, blah. I thought to myself, "Very nice of them to contact me, but these are two old friends for whom I still no longer wish to remain in contact". I basically ignored their messages. Terrible of me I know, but I have bigger fish fry these days.
Eventually I learned what an ex-friend is. A couple of years ago, a colleague whom I considered one of my closest friends (we would spend holidays together; when we went on business trips, we were inseparable; she arranged a promotion for me; we shared so many of our joys, trials, and tribulations, etc. etc.). But then this supposed very dear friend backstabbed me in a few different ways and I finally understood what an ex-friend is. An ex-friend is someone who does something so heinous that you can no longer be around that person and find it impossible to forgive their actions. Aha! Eureka. Now I understand the ex-friend. So in 47+ years on this great big planet, I have only one ex-friend and a few old friends for which I no longer wish to remain in contact. Not a bad track record. All other friends remain my friends - even those people for whom I no longer see for various reasons, many of whom I miss being in constant contact.
Therefore, what I don't understand are people who have dozens and dozens of ex-friends. If someone has a bevy of ex-friends, is it because the ex-friends are truly such horrible people or is the person just being overly sensitive? What's your take on ex-friends? Do you have ex-friends or just friends that you no longer see?
I acknowledge that over the years, I have some friends for whom our friendships have grown away each other and we are no longer friends, but I still wouldn't consider them "ex-friends". Just old friends for whom I no longer wished to remain friends. We didn't have a major falling out; we just went our separate ways. In fact, two of those friends recently contacted me due my recent medical woes saying that they were sending me positive thoughts, blah, blah, blah. I thought to myself, "Very nice of them to contact me, but these are two old friends for whom I still no longer wish to remain in contact". I basically ignored their messages. Terrible of me I know, but I have bigger fish fry these days.
Eventually I learned what an ex-friend is. A couple of years ago, a colleague whom I considered one of my closest friends (we would spend holidays together; when we went on business trips, we were inseparable; she arranged a promotion for me; we shared so many of our joys, trials, and tribulations, etc. etc.). But then this supposed very dear friend backstabbed me in a few different ways and I finally understood what an ex-friend is. An ex-friend is someone who does something so heinous that you can no longer be around that person and find it impossible to forgive their actions. Aha! Eureka. Now I understand the ex-friend. So in 47+ years on this great big planet, I have only one ex-friend and a few old friends for which I no longer wish to remain in contact. Not a bad track record. All other friends remain my friends - even those people for whom I no longer see for various reasons, many of whom I miss being in constant contact.
Therefore, what I don't understand are people who have dozens and dozens of ex-friends. If someone has a bevy of ex-friends, is it because the ex-friends are truly such horrible people or is the person just being overly sensitive? What's your take on ex-friends? Do you have ex-friends or just friends that you no longer see?
5 comments:
I have a few ex-friends. Mostly because they were phoney or used me or did something unacceptable or was behaving unacceptably. I would say my percentage of friends to ex-friends might be around 2 per cent. I never had a lot of friends. Mostly associates or acquaintances. Many of these I could consider friends and a few were very bad friends. But I fully understand the ex-friend concept. It's good that you haven't had too many occurrences.
you amaze me!! I'm sharing this!!
I have always been my own best friend. I can get mad at myself but I am always there for me and have my best interests at heart. You can never go wrong. :-)
Yes, I do. Interesting, hadn't really thought of it like that. Sending positive thoughts. <3
My only "EX-friend" would be the one who sued me --- YES, sued me --- when my beloved Sampson bit her obnoxious kid. Keep in mind, my Sampson was at the vet within an hour; her kid went to the Dr about a week later. UGH.... I have seen her a few times since then, but it is awkward to say the least.
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