Don't You Just Hate Anniversaries...

Or is it just me? 

I can hear the responses: "Oh, I love celebrating with my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/lover the anniversary of our ______" (fill in the blank; i.e., wedding, first date, engagement, first Talk Like a Pirate Day together, etc.). Well, folks - I don't have such happy anniversaries. The anniversaries in my life are all painful and terrible, so I don't look forward to certain dates on my calendar. Today - January 21st is the worst of them all. Today is the 5-year anniversary of when my world tilted on its axis and descended into hell. Okay, that's not entirely true. My life was already in hell but it descended into a lower circle of hell 5 years ago and I have never recovered. 

It's funny but each time January 21st rolls around, I have the strong desire to travel to New York City and slap a 6'4" hulking leprechaun in the face. You see, this leprechaun asked for a seemingly innocuous favor (to go to dinner with some clients) and my world has not been the same since. Sadly, even though I'd like to slap the aforementioned leprechaun, he's one of the few people from my last couple of years in NYC that I actually like -- even though I haven't seen or spoken to him in nearly 4 years. Therefore, he will remain "slap-free".

I suppose it's good that don't have too many of these heartbreaking anniversaries. Four to be exact - this one, a couple in October, and a brand new one in September. So how to get through these horrendous days? For the most part, I have three solutions that get me through these days. The first: work! When I was working, getting through these days was fairly easy. I went to work and worked very hard, in order to get through the bulk of the day unscathed. Second, when I'm not working, I employ a tactic which I called immersion therapy. I spend the day huddled under some covers, watching every sad movie I can find, and eat a quart of ice cream or plow through a package of Oreo double stuff cookies. I cry and gnash my teeth and get all the emotions out. Sometimes it's better to let them out, then keep them bottled up. The last way that I get through these days is listening to music. As the saying goes, "music has charms to soothe the savage breast" (William Congreve, The Mourning Bride).

Clearly today, I could not employ the former as I'm not longer working, and I could only sort of employ my immersion therapy. You see, I stupidly made an afternoon appointment for a new CT scan today. I needed to fast 4 hours before the test at 3:30 - so there went my ice cream/Oreo binge. I had a few sad movies that I could have watched, but knowing I needed to go out, I didn't want to be an emotional mess. Therefore, I couldn't really do the full immersion therapy.

In order to get through today, I mostly went with the third option - music. Most of this day was spent listening to my ever-expanding catharsis playlist. This music I find helpful when these emotions come crashing down. Which reminds me, the other day, my brother played a Bonnie Tyler's song, "It's a Heartache" (lyrics) and it's kind of perfect for how I'm feeling today - and has been added to the playlist. Sing it, Bonnie!