Freakiest Deaths of Historical Figures

I mentioned a few posts back about my new obsession with a podcast called Rex Factor, which rates the reigns of all the kings and queens of England. I'm only about halfway through the 70+ episodes and am still loving every moment, but who knew that so many English monarchs died in bizarre ways. Many of the very early monarchs died in battle, but there were a few others whose deaths were a little strange. For example, Edward II of England quite possibly died very cruelly - by having a horn pushed into his anus through which a red-hot iron was inserted, burning out his internal organs without marking his body, thereby hiding the assassination. YOWCH!!!! Of course, there is no proof that this event actually happened, but that doesn't stop the rumors flying.

One would imagine that people of prominence would die with perhaps a little dignity. However, such is not always the case. Inspired by the story of Edward II of England, I decided to research what were some of the craziest deaths of historical figures. Here's what I found:

Death by Mercury:

In 210 BC, Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China, died after ingesting several pills of mercury in the belief that it would grant him eternal life. He was wrong. The prime minister, along with the Emperor's eunuch courtiers, concealed the death while they plotted the succession and placed carts of rotting fish in front and behind the wagon of the Emperor to disguise the smell of the decomposing corpse. They also pulled down the shade so no one could see his face, changed his clothes daily, and even brought food. He was then buried in a fantastic city-sized mausoleum which is still being excavated. His artifacts and treasures include the famous life-sized Terracotta Army which was created to protect him in the afterlife.

Death by Food:  

In Normandy in 1135, Henry I, King of England died from complications of eating a plethora of his favorite food, lampreys (an eel-type fish). Often warned by physicians to avoid eating this dish, Henry I died from post-binge food poisoning. After Henry died and was embalmed, servants sewed the body of the king inside the hide of a bull to keep it from rotting on the journey to his home in England. The body was brought to Reading where in January 1136 he was buried in front of the High Altar of the abbey that he had founded in 1121. But due to the dissolution by Henry VIII of all monasteries, his tomb's location remains a mystery.

In 1771, Adolf Frederick, King of Sweden, died of digestion problems on 12 February after having consumed a meal of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring and champagne, topped off with 14 servings of his favorite dessert: semla served in a bowl of hot milk. He is thus remembered by Swedish schoolchildren as "the king who ate himself to death."

Death by Sex:

The 58 year old, French president, Félix Faure died suddenly from apoplexy in the Élysée Palace on 16 February 1899, while engaged in sexual activities in his office with 30-year-old Marguerite Steinheil. It has been widely reported that Faure had his fatal seizure while Steinheil was fellating him, but the exact nature of their sexual intercourse is in fact unknown and such reports may have stemmed from various jokes made up afterward by his political opponents. One such pun was to nickname Mme Steinheil "la pompe funèbre" (wordplay in French: "pompes funèbres" means "death care business" and "pompe funèbre" could be translated, literally, as "funeral blow-job"). Who says the French don't have a sense of humor?

Death by Wildlife:

In 458 BC, Aeschylus, the ancient Greek playwright, traveled to Sicily to visit the city of Gela where he died in 456 or 455 BC. Valerius Maximus wrote that he was killed outside the city by a tortoise which had been dropped by an eagle. The eagle had mistook Aeschylus's head for a rock suitable for shattering the shell of the reptile. Pliny, in his Naturalis Historiæ, added that Aeschylus had been staying outdoors to avoid a prophecy that he would be killed by a falling object. His plan backfired.

Death by Beard:

Hans Steininger, the burgomaster of Braunau, Austria, was famous for having at that time what was the world's longest beard (it was 4.5 feet long) and for dying because of it. One day in 1567, there was a fire in town and in his haste Hans forgot to roll up his beard. He accidentally stepped on his beard, lost balance, stumbled, broke his neck, and died instantly! A tragic, yet bizarrely humorous way to die.

Death by Gangrene of the...:

King of Judea, Herod the Great suffered from not only kidney disease but a rare infection of the male genitalia, called Fournier's gangrene, which is described as "symptoms that include intense itching, intestinal pain, shortness of breath, convulsions, and gangrene of the genitalia." Does that mean that his sausage just rotted away??? YYYYYYOOOOWWWWCH!!! That's got to hurt!

Death by Coats:

First legislator of Ancient Greece, Draco is responsible for creating one of the first written sets of laws, a set of rules governing 7th Century BCE life in Greece. In 590 BCE, Grecian authorities held a celebration to commemorate his hard work. Unfortunately, Draco died from suffocation due to audience members tossing hundreds of coats and shirts on top of him, a common custom during that time performed to show respect. I think I'd rather they didn't show their respect.

Death While Urinating:

Roman emperor, Caracalla is remembered as one of the most notorious and unpleasant of emperors because of the massacres and persecutions he authorized and instigated throughout the Empire. He was assassinated while urinating at a roadside near Carrhae on 8 April 217 (4 days after his 29th birthday), by Julius Martialis, an officer of his personal bodyguard. There were two differing thoughts on why Martialis killed the emperor: the first, Martialis' brother had been executed a few days earlier by Caracalla on an unproven charge; the second, Martialis was resentful at not being promoted to the rank of centurion. Either way, it's pretty ballsy to kill an emperor while he's peeing.

Death by Decapitated Head:

Sigurd Eysteinsson (aka Sigurd the Mighty, ruled circa 875–892) was the second Viking Earl of Orkney. He was a leader in the Viking conquest of what is now northern Scotland. Bizarrely, he was killed by the severed head of one his enemies, Máel Brigte (nickname Máel Brigte the Bucktoothed because of his protruding teeth). Sigurd strapped Brigte's head to his saddle as a trophy of conquest, and as he rode, Máel Brigte's buckteeth grazed against Sigurd's leg, causing injury. The wound became inflamed and infected and Sigurd died as a result. How embarrassing is that?

Death by (i) Poison, (ii) Gunshot Wound (4x), (iii) Beating by Clubs, and (iv) Drowning:

According to legends, Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin (1869-1916) was first poisoned with enough cyanide to kill ten men, but he wasn't affected. So his killers shot him in the back with a revolver. Rasputin fell but later revived. So, he was shot again three more times, but Rasputin still lived. He was then clubbed, and for good measure thrown into the icy Neva River. Rasputin was finally dead for good.