I Surrender!

People always say "giving up is never an option." I reply, "why?" I'm sorry but not only is giving up an option - sometimes, it's the best option and other times, it's the only option. I can hear all the Pollyannas out there yelling at me, but hear me out.

At some point, one must accept that life is not what they planned... or at least, life has not been what I planned. I never really had very high aspirations. I only ever wanted four things: a successful career that I supported me and that I loved; a loving partner with whom share my life; supportive, caring parents and siblings; and a handful of excellent friends. Pretty simple. Yet, I have gotten...ummmmm... almost none of these. So at some point, you have to say, "okay, life is not what I wanted. I give up on getting the things that I want and will live with the limitations that I have."

"Oh, Sandi, that's not true." Sure, it is. 

Let's break it down: (i) a supportive, caring family? Nope, narcissistic parents who gave birth to 5 children - 3 of which are complete narcissists (not me or my eldest brother). (ii) Career, Part I - Performer: Well, I spent 20 years attempting to make a living as a performer and while I worked a lot, I only made a measly $10,000. That boils down to $500 a year, which is great if you're living in a third world country. Horrendous for NYC! Career, Part II - Events Manager: Got shit on and stabbed in the back by my boss, plus I hated being a corporate grunt. Fail. Career, Part III - Teaching: more than half of my students are failing and think that it's okay to call their English teacher a bitch, among other things. So while I love what I do, it's certainly far from a success. (iii) A partner to share my life. Never happened and is never going to happen. Fifteen years ago, I gave up on finding someone to share my life and then four years ago I met a fantastic person who told me we were 'kindred spirits' and I considered them my soul mate. It all turned out to be nothing but lies and disappointments. I'm refuse to go through that again with anyone else. So no life partner for me. (iv) Good friends. Here's the only thing in my life that is a small success. While I have had my fair share of friends who have shat all over me, I do have a few who will stand by me no matter what. But that's in the minority of my friends. So I'll give that a half a point. Adding to all of this crapola are two bouts of cancer (one of which I'm still dealing with), decades of major depression issues, and a few others things that I won't bring up. 

Once you add it all up, my batting average is pretty bad. Therefore, I can absolutely say "I quit" when it comes to certain aspects of my life. I will never have the family that I want, the relationship I desire, and the career that I deserve. I will live with the fact that my life is an utter failure. Stop telling me otherwise.

The amazing thing about this mindset is that once you accept the limitations in your life all the sadness, depression, anger, disappointment, etc. goes away. While I agree that people should dream their dreams but I also believe at some point, you have to accept that some dreams will never come true and just move past them.