English is a Weird Language...

Nearly all of my students are or have been English language learners and when I work with them one on one, I am reminded of what a crazy language English is and am extremely happy that my first language is English. Don't get me wrong, I love all languages and really wish I was fluent in another language. But English is such a difficult language, I cannot imagine trying to learn to read, write, and speak English after growing up with another language as my primary language.  

Have you ever wondered why it's such a hard language to learn - particularly the spelling and pronunciation of English? 

English is mostly challenging because of inconsistent rules. Because English is a "borrowing language" containing a hodge podge words from different languages, the rules are all over the place. I admit I do get very sad when I see how poorly people (particularly my students) spell. For me, it matters if students struggle to spell.  Despite autocorrect and spellcheck, people still need to learn the proper spellings of words.  Of course that would be my take as I'm an English major, teacher, and grammar/spelling Nazi. I love the intricacies of the English language, but I'm probably in the minority. 

I came across the following anecdotes and it sums up quite well the problems with learning English:

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
                         - Anonymous

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. There is no time like the present, he said it was time to present the present.
8. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Let’s face it – English is a wacky language. A few more things to consider:

• There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple.
• English muffins weren’t invented in England.
• Quicksand can work slowly, 
• Boxing rings are square 
• A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
• And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
• Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
• If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
• If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
• Only in English, do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
• We park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.
• Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
• Have noses that run and feet that smell?
• How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?
• You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
• If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn’t Mop?

GO FIGURE! That’s American English and I love it! But I completely understand why my students struggle to understand this beautiful language.