"The Hearts Wants What the Heart Wants"...To a Point!

Seriously!

I've mentioned it in a previous posting ("Platitudes Everywhere"), but I would like to reiterate how much I really, really, really hate platitudes; those meaningless statements that people occasionally use to explain bad behavior. For instance, the truly annoying YOLO ("you only live once"). I hear YOLO all the time with my students, usually said after they've done something questionable and it drives me completely insane. 

Let's examine the above written banality: 'The heart wants what the heart wants'. Now, I'm not saying that I don't think this statement is accurate. Quite the contrary. My life is a textbook example of how accurate that proclamation is. Despite my brain telling my heart that its desire is not going to happen, my perpetually shattered heart gives my brain the finger and tells it to "eff off." I didn't choose this heartache, but am stuck with it for however long it lasts (eternity?); therefore I agree that the heart wants what it wants...to a point.

Everyone is familiar with this scenario: a man and woman get married. One of the spouses gets a wandering eye and starts having an affair with another party. Suddenly, the faithful spouse ends up dead under suspicious circumstances. We've heard it time and time again. I was watching a rerun of Dateline the other night and the report was this exact scenario. Dateline presented the story of a man who killed his best friend because he had "fallen in love" and had an affair with the best friend's wife. The conniving psychopath of a wife inveigled and manipulated the lover into killing her husband. All very sordid and disgusting. During the interview, the murderer said something along the lines of "the heart wants what the heart wants" as to why he got involved with her in the first place. He didn't use that actual statement but it was almost those words. Ugh. Fortunately they're both in jail - him for life and her for 10 years (not nearly long enough in my opinion).

Now, I'm not going to cast aspersions on anyone who has an affair. That's none of my business. Personally, I would never cheat on or lie to someone that I made a commitment to, because I take promises and vows seriously. But I understand that these things happen. What I don't get is killing an innocent person in order to either be with your lover, or get the insurance money, or what have you. That's where you have to draw the line. Get a divorce, but don't resort to murder to solve your marital problems. And stop using the excuse that you did it because you were in love with someone. Basic human morality and laws do not fly out the window just because you fall in love, you sick, twisted bastards.

"Shadow of Night" Is a Wild Ride In History!

My last book review was of book 1 of Deborah Harkness's All Souls trilogy, A Discovery of Witches, which you may recall I enjoyed very much. I had mentioned at the end of the posting that I was looking forward to reading book 2 of the series and had just picked a copy of it up from the library. I spent a good portion of the past couple of days reading Shadow of Night (2013), because I have no life. I don't usually bother reviewing the entire series of books, but this book is so unique that it requires a thoughtful review. 

Synopsis: "A Discovery of Witches introduced Diana Bishop, Oxford scholar and reluctant witch, and vampire geneticist Matthew Clairmont, two otherworldly beings who found themselves at the center of a battle over a lost, enchanted manuscript known as Ashmole 782. Drawn to each other despite long-standing taboos, and in pursuit of Diana's spellbound powers, the two now embark upon a timewalking journey.

Book two of the All Souls trilogy plunges Diana and Matthew into Elizabethan London, a world of spies and subterfuge, and a coterie of Matthew's old friends, the mysterious School of Night. The mission is to locate a witch to tutor Diana and find traces of Ashmole 782, but as the net of Matthew's past tightens around them, they embark of very different journey, one that takes them into the heart of the 1500 year old vampire's shadowed history and secrets. For Matthew Clairmont, time travel is no simple matter; nor is Diana's search for they key to understanding her legacy" (SoN book jacket).

Review:  Shadow of Night picks up exactly where the first book left off and it's a wild ride through history.  Note: if you are not a fan of historical fiction or reading about history - particularly the Elizabethan Age, then this book is not for you. But as I love history and the EA period is one of my favorite times in history, I loved every moment of Diana and Edward's trip to 1590-91. For me, this book is actually better than book 1 of the series.

The book is a masterpiece of blending paranormal fantasy, historical fiction, and romance all into one seamless being. Readers are immediately sunk into Elizabethan England, and meet many actual historical characters, which can almost make the reader dizzy! The execution of said historical figures (i.e., Christopher Marlowe, Elizabeth I, and Walter Raleigh) and how they are presented within the story is both plausible and enlightening at the same time. Harkness's research is flawless and she manages to bring the sixteenth century to life with a rich, vibrant sense of reality that rarely appears in works of fiction. She does this without giving the feeling that she is giving a history lesson or writing a textbook. Instead she simply recreates the past in a vivid tapestry that should excite any reader who is unfamiliar with the period, while making those of us who do know it feel like we are revisiting a familiar city after having been away from it for a while..

While recreating history, Harkness also tells a good story. The characters travel a great deal in this book - from Woodstock, England, then on to Lyon, France, moving on to London, then to Prague, and finally back to London in a truly epic historical journey. Along the way, Diana and Matthew experience when their marriage hits snags, their secrets, heartbreaks, and lies. In addition to our lead characters journey into the past, we are given snippets of what events are unfolding in the future and how their timewalking in the past affects future events. These brief views in the future are both sad and enlightening, giving the reader knowledge that Diana and Matthew are not privy to.

It should be noted that, just like ADoW, Shadow of Night is not a book for those who are looking for a fast-paced action-fantasy, nor for those looking for a romance novel. The plot unfolds slowly and carefully and the book's strength lies in the development of characters and relationships as much as in the plot itself. 

As with A Discovery of Witches, I think there could have been a little editing to some of the passages and even though there isn't an true ending to this book, it didn't quite leave the bad taste in my mouth the way ADoW did. All in all, it is a solid second novel and one well worth reading.

Rating: 4.5 out 5

In a little more than 2 weeks, the third book in this riveting trilogy, The Book of Life, will be released (July 15, 2014). I hope it lives up to its predecessors.

It's Not Merely "A Discovery of Witches"

I am on week 2 of a two-month summer vacation. What does that mean for me? Lots and lots of reading! Yes, this book-o-phile gets to spend most of her days sitting on the couch, curled up with a book on her lap and a pretty kitty at her side. Yay! (I'll just forget the fact that I have papers due for my grad classes that I haven't even thought about.) As I promised in a previous post, I will only review those books that I feel are worth reviewing. In the past two weeks, I have read 6¼ and several of the books were quite good, particularly Shining Through by Susan Isaacs and Top Secret Twenty-One by Janet Evanovich (which took me about 6 hours to read!). The ¼ book was one on the Vanderbilts, but I found Cornelius Vanderbilt too repulsive to continue reading about them. Now, onto my review:

______________

What is it about witches, vampires, and other things that go bump in the night? It seems like every other book these days is filled with the supernatural. Some are well written (Harry Potter series) and some are just dreadful (Twilight series). As I was killing time by meandering through Barnes & Noble last week, I came across a novel that fits into this category: A Discovery of Witches (2011) by Deborah Harkness. It looked like an interesting enough story so I decided to give it a read. 

Synopsis: "Deep in the heart of Oxford's Bodleian Library, Diana Bishop -- a young scholar and the descendant of witches -- unearths an enchanted alchemical manuscript. Wanting nothing to do with sorcery, she banishes the book to the stacks. But her discovery has set a fantastical underworld stirring, and soon a horde of daemons, witches and other creatures, descends upon the library. Among them is the enigmatic Matthew Clairmont, a vampire with a keen interest in the book. Equal parts history and magic, romance and suspense, A Discovery of Witches is a mesmerizing and addictive tale of passion and obsession that reveals the closely guarded secrets of an enchanted world" (ADoW book jacket).

Review: This much hyped debut novel by Ms. Harkness will either thrill you or chill you. It appears from all the reviews I've read it's a "love it" or "hate it" novel. Those readers who hate it have been comparing it to the awful Twilight series and while I agree that there are some similarities - vampires, romantic entanglement with a vampire, etc., this novel is better written, has original ideas about the supernatural world, and is way more than just a straight up romance novel.

The story is actually kind of a mix of witchcraft, vampire, daemon, history, science, alchemy, and a bit of Dan Brown-ish mystery that involves an ancient book, which I won't say too much about in the review for the sake of spoilers. Refreshingly, the more I read, the better the book became. The history, witchcraft, myths, science and alchemy have been very well researched (the author's day job is a history professor) and I enjoyed reading about all of it in great deal. The ancient texts and books, descriptions of illustrations and talk of grimoires, spells and magic are every occult/history lover's dream.

Yes, it does have the odd corny romantic comment and the main character, Diana Bishop, doesn't always make the smartest decisions considering she's so well educated, but mix it all in with the story itself and it works. The setting takes the reader from Oxford, England, to Lyon, France, to Central New York state and each are beautifully described!

While I have no complaints about the pacing in the front 75% of the book, the last 25% is all consuming. The minute that the story switches to Diana's childhood home in Central New York, I could not put the book down. The Bishop house is sentient and highly opinionated. It's also full of the ghosts of Bishops past, who are also very opinionated. A couple of new secondaries show up, one of which is absolutely adorable.

I only have two complaints; one is that it could have used a bit of editing. Generally speaking, I enjoy reading nearly 600-page books, but there were some events that could have been cut down or removed completely.  Two, there really is no resolution at the end. Yes, I get that it's book one of a trilogy but each book really should be able to stand on its own. Otherwise, this book was quite a good read and I'm looking forward to reading the next novel in the series: Shadow of Night (which I just picked up from the library).

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

What Did They Sing?

Today, I went out for a walk to try to get rid of some of my long held demons (didn't work!), and naturally, I brought along my iTouch to listen to some tunes to get me cruising along. As I was listening to random songs on my "workout" playlist, it occurred to me that some singers sing like they have marbles in their mouths. Not enunciating when singing is a big "no-no" in the theatre world, but rock 'n roll is completely different. It seems the less the audience understands, the more famous the song. For example, when I listened to ELO's Mr. Blue Sky, I barely understand anything that Jeff Lynne sang, but I do love the song.

Long before the internet and CD booklets, music aficionados had to learn the song lyrics by merely listening to the songs over and over again. Oh, occasionally, albums would have lyrics printed on them, but not very often, so many of us grew up singing the lyrics completely wrong.  More than likely, people still are singing those lyrics incorrectly because you can't teach old dogs new tricks.

Therefore, I thought I'd share some of my favorite misheard/misremembered lyrics, followed by the actual lyrics:

Elton John: Tiny Dancer

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza."  (Who's the boss?)

"Hold me closer, tiny dancer." 

Robert Palmer: Addicted To Love 

"Might as well face it you’re a dick with a glove." (Were they thinking of Michael Jackson?)

"Might as well face it you’re addicted to love."

Jimi Hendrix: Purple Haze 

"'Scuse me while I kiss this guy."  (Gay pride!)

"'Scuse me while I kiss the sky."

Whitney Houston: Saving All My Love For You 

"'Cos I’m shaving off my muff for you."  (Oh, TMI!)

"'Cos I’m saving all my love for you.

Mick Jagger: Beast of Burden

"I’ll never leave your pizza burnin'." (Must be an Italian chef who thought this one up.)

"I’ll never be your beast of burden."

Manfred Mann: Blinded By the Light

"Revved up like a douche, you know a rumor in the night." (One of my favs)

"Revved up like a deuce, you know a runner in the night."

Aretha Franklin: (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman 

"You make me feel like a rash on a woman." (I suppose natural women get rashes.)

"You make me feel like a natural woman."

The Beatles: I Want To Hold Your Hand 

"I get high. I get high."  (Well, it was the '60s.)

"I can’t hide. I can’t hide."

Sir Mix-A-Lot: Baby Got Back (Brian Williams version - hilarious) 

"I like big butts in a can of limes."  (Limes come in cans?)

"I like big butts and I cannot lie."

ABBA: Dancing Queen 

"See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen." ('70s discos were vicious)

"See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen."

Madonna: Like a Virgin 

"Like a virgin, touched for the thirty-first time." (Well, we are talking about Madonna)

"Like a virgin, touched for the very first time."

Bee Gees: More Than a Woman 

"Bald-headed woman."  (Bald headed women need love too.)

"More than a woman."

Did I miss a favorite of yours?  You can read 100s of misheard lyrics at Kiss This Guy. Funny website.

Modern Day Romeo and Juliet Are Together Again...

Continuing with the ongoing saga of Zakia and Mohammed Ali - there is some fantastic news! Both of them have been released from custody and are back together as of Tuesday. Huzzah!! Additionally, all charges have been dropped. Woot woot!!!!

It appears that Afghan social media blew up with support of Zakia and Mohammed Ali asking for their release, plus the case has had extensive news coverage in Afghanistan. Holy cow! Maybe Afghanistan is finally coming out of the stone age.

According to the New York Times, "Last week, Mohammad Ali was released from custody on an order from the office of Attorney General Mohammad Ishaq Aloko. And after Mohammad Ali produced documentation of his marriage to Zakia, the charges against her were dismissed as well after a brief hearing on Tuesday. Ms. Khaliqi said the authorities had offered to draw up a warrant for the arrest of Zakia’s father for trying to force her to marry against her will, which is a crime under Afghanistan’s Elimination of Violence Against Women law." You can read the full article here.

Zakia has refused to press charges against her father.  

Here's hoping that this is the end of their troubles and they can go on and live a happy life together. Zakia and Mohammed Ali, you are an inspiration. All the best!

The 5 Worst Sports Injuries...

"...the agony of defeat..."

Every four years, thanks to the FIFA World Cup, I get a chance to watch lots of association football. Yay! Consequently, I have seen a lot of injuries: pulled hamstrings, torn ligaments, and even a nasty, albeit unintentional, kick to the face (US player Clint Dempsey). Yowch! 

Non sequitur: I always wonder why football isn't more popular in the United States. For me, association football is far more interesting to watch than American football. Perhaps I should move to Europe. But I digress.

Watching these injuries reminds me of ABC's Wide World of Sports program that I obsessively watched while growing up. The intro showed a particularly vicious looking crash of Slovenian ski jumper Vinko Bogataj's "agony of defeat". Every week I'd watch that intro and wince when I saw the crash, but despite the ferocity of the crash, Bogataj suffered only a mild concussion. I realized that some athletes go through horrendous pain for their passion. Why do they do it? Because they're f***ing INSANE!

Here are the 5 worst sports injuries:

5. Kevin Ware (Basketball): Kevin Ware is an American college basketball player. On March 31, 2013, in the first half of an NCAA playoff, Ware landed awkwardly after attempted to block a three-point shot attempt and suffered a compound fracture to his right leg (video). Ware's leg literally came out of his skin. That's not supposed to happen. Bones are made to stay inside a body. Players and coaches on both teams were visibly shaken at the sight of the injury. While lying on the floor of the court, Ware repeatedly said, "I'm fine, just win the game." After being tended to courtside for several minutes, Ware was carried off on a stretcher and was taken by ambulance to Methodist Hospital of Indianapolis. Surgeons inserted a rod into his tibia in a two-hour operation.

Ware returned to playing basketball competitively in the 2013-2014 season, playing in 9 games. He then decided to redshirt the rest of the season in order to concentrate on recovering.

4. Sid Vicious (Wresting): Professional wrestling is fake, but gravity and injuries are very real. Sid Vicious, winner of many fake championships, is one of the most memorable wrestlers in history. On January 14, 2001, Vicious competed for the World Heavyweight Championship against Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett and Animal in a "Four Corners" match and suffered a horrendous injury. 

During the bout, Sid took a leap of faith off the rope, trying to land a jumping big boot to the face of Steiner. He landed awkwardly on his lead leg, and snapped his tibula and fibula (video). A 17-inch rod was placed in his leg during the two-hour surgery. For a while, Vicious used a cane to walk. Sid later sued WCW, claiming that he was made to jump off the second rope against his objections. He contemplated retiring, but in 2004 returned to wrestling.

3. Anthony Van Loo (Football): This video from June 2009 is not of a player getting very, very sleepy in the middle of the game. This is what someone does when their heart stops and they die. Belgian footballer, Anthony Van Loo is the athlete in the video, and at the time it was filmed he was, literally, dead. He had a preexisting heart condition that probably should have kept him off the field, but he had been fitted with a defibrillator, which works by shocking the everliving daylights out of the heart to restore it to its normal rhythm after it, you know, stops beating.

When he dropped dead on the field, his entire team knew what had just happened. After all, the guy had a preexisting condition, and it's never good when a person who was standing relatively still crashes to the ground. Well, it only took a few seconds for his built-in miracle of modern medicine to kick his slacker heart's ass into gear, and you can see Van Loo sitting up shortly thereafter. He joined that tiny, elite group of humans who can tell you exactly what it's like to be dead.

Not only did he return from his trip to the great beyond, but he continued playing soccer, and in fact is still playing today.

2. Wayne Shelford (Rugby): There are certain moments during a rugby match in which all players concentrate on demolishing each other, and these moments have been given clever little names like "scrum" and "rucking." And outside of some ear protection (you know, so they don't get ripped off) and the cushioning of some enormous cojones, nobody wears any padding. Anyway, Wayne "Buck" Shelford was a professional rugby player in New Zealand. It was 1986, and the opponent was the French rugby team. The match was so incredibly intense that they named it the Battle of Nantes, after a major French Revolution battle. About 20 minutes into the match (video), Shelford found himself at the bottom of one of those "ruck" things, which is actually a writhing pile of really, really tough players in cleats who will do basically anything to get that ball. Consequently, during the melee, Shelford lost four teeth AND...oh my...had his scrotum ripped open by a cleat. He jogged off the field with a testicle hanging out of him. Literally. Hanging.

So what did Shelford do? Of course he's a tough dude. Instead of passing out and/or dying, Shelford had the trainer stitch him up right there on the bench. They even filmed the surgery and broadcast it on TV; and then Shelford went right back in and kept playing WITH A TORN SCROTUM. He eventually came out of the game with a concussion from a blow to the head, but stayed in the grandstand "watching" the remainder of the game. To this day, Shelford has no memory of the game.

1. Clint Malarchuk (Hockey): Malarchuk is a retired professional ice hockey goaltender. On March 22, 1989, during a hockey game between St. Louis Blues and  Buffalo Sabres, there was a crash on the ice between a couple of players and consequently one of the player's skate blade hit Malarchuk's neck and severed his jugular vein. Yes, THAT vein...you know...the one that professional killers slice because of the quickness of death. "With blood spurting from Malarchuk's throat onto the ice, he was able to leave the ice on his own feet with the assistance of his team's athletic trainer, Jim Pizzutelli. Many spectators were physically sickened by the sight. There were reports that eleven fans fainted, two more suffered heart attacks and three players vomited on the ice" (Wikipedia). The video footage is really disturbing. 

The only thing that kept Malarchuk alive was team trainer Pizzutelli, a former Army medic who had served in Vietnam. He reached into Malarchuk's neck and pinched off the bleeding, not letting go until doctors arrived to begin suturing the wound. 

Ninety minutes of surgery and 300 stitches later, doctors managed to save his life. Malarchuk spent just one night in the hospital and returned to practice four days later. A week after that, he was back goaltending.

*  *  *

So, the next time your wimpy ass considers calling in sick for work because you have a hangover or a cold, remember these lunatics. As for the 2014 World Cup, I am rooting for 3 different teams: my birthplace (US), my heritage (Italy), and my love (England). The England vs. Italy match was a bear to sit through, but I would be ecstatic if any of these three teams win. Unlikely? Yes, but I can dream.

More Monarch Records...

Inspired by a comment on the Rex Factor Podcast Facebook page by either Ali or Graham (not sure which) about my last monarch related posting, Shortest Reigning Monarchs (comment: "I read this as 'shortest monarchs'.... You should do that next!!"), I decided to research various topics about monarchs. Topics like "Who was the shortest monarch in history?" "Who was the tallest?" and so on.

Here's what I found:

Shortest Monarch: Victoria, who was Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland from 1837-1901 and Empress of India from 1876-1901, was 4'11" tall (tall?) which makes her the shortest monarch in history - not including child monarchs. Her husband, Prince Albert, was 5'10" which made them a bit of a Mutt and Jeff couple.

Tallest Monarch: At 6'8", the Russian Tsar/Emperor from 1682-1725 Peter the Great is the tallest monarch on record. It was enough to put him a massive 1'4" above the average male height for the time (the European average was approximately 5'4"). Set against other world leaders, he would be four inches taller than the tallest U.S. presidents (Abraham Lincoln (1861-1865) and Lyndon B. Johnson (1963-1969) were both 6'4") and the tallest British monarch (Edward IV of England (1461-1470) also 6'4"). Gustav V, King of Sweden from 1907-1950 gave Peter a run for his money, topping off at 6'7".

Heaviest Monarch: You might think that the notorious Henry VIII of England weighing in at nearly 400 lbs by the end of his reign would win this category, but you'd be wrong. The heaviest monarch that can be verified was Taufa'ahau Tupou IV, King of Tonga from 1965-2006 who at his peak in 1976 weighed in at a whopping 462 lbs, though he subsequently lost around 40% of his weight, whereas Henry just kept ballooning up the older he got.

Richest Monarch: The richest monarch in the world as of April 2011, is Thailand's King Bhumibol Adulyadej, also known as King Rama IX of the Chakri dynasty, with an estimated wealth of $30 billion, which was accumulated through investments derived from the Bureau of the Crown Property. He has ruled Thailand since 1946. The complete list of wealthiest royals can be found here.

Oldest Monarch to Ascend the Throne: When Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah ascended the throne in Malaysian in December 2011, he became, at the age of 84, the oldest constitutional monarch to be crowned. If Charles, Prince of Wales, ever gets crowed, he will be the oldest person to ascend the British throne, but the Queen is going strong, so goodness knows if and when that will happen.

Youngest Monarch to Ascend the Throne: Legend has it that in year 309, Persian nobles placed a crown upon the belly of King Hormizd II’s widow. Inside was history’s first fetal king: Shapur II. The in utero ruler was the ninth leader of the Sassanid Empire, a powerful Persian kingdom covering modern Iran. Shapur II ruled for 70 years. In the late 4th century, he successfully ousted Christianity from the Middle East. Of course, there were two other kings who were crowned on the same day they were born - John I of France (which I mentioned in my shortest reigns post) and  Alfonso XIII of Spain (1886-1931).

Most Marriages: With this category, I'm going to discount any monarch in polygamist relationships. Therefore, the King of Israel from c. 970-931 BC, Solomon and his purported 700 wives will not be counted, nor will Sobhuza II of Swaziland and his 70 wives. Here's where we give the prize to England's notorious Henry VIII of England with six marriages. Oddly, Henry was married to his first wife, Catherine of Aragon for 24 years before he lost his mind and started divorcing wives and cutting their heads off. Henry ruled England from 1509-1547.

Most Illegitimate Children: This category was completely fun to research. Top of this list is Henry I of England (1100-1135), who had approximately 25 illegitimate children by an untold number of mistresses. Notable mentions are Charles II of England (1660-1685) with approximately 20 illegitimate children (14 of which were acknowledged by Charles) and Louis XIV of France (1643-1715) with 14 documented children. Of course, it is possible that there are many more undocumented so we'll never really be sure who has the most.

Monarchs really are an interesting bunch. 

(Pictured, top row (l to r): Queen Victoria, Peter the Great, Bhumibol
Adulyadej,and Abdul Halim Mu'adzam Shah.
Bottom row (l to r): Taufa'ahau Tupou IV, Shah Shapur III,
King Henry VIII, and King Henry I)

What I Won't and Will Miss (Plus My Regrets)

Back in February of this year, I posted a blog entitled Lists, Lists and More Lists, which was all about a new website I had just fallen in love with - Lists of Note, a website dedicated to the lists of the famous. Being a lists person, it's right up my alley. I mentioned that one of my favorite lists came at the hands of Nora Ephron. It was her list of things that she will miss and not miss about life. I mentioned that I was going to come up with my own similar list.

Now compiling this list was a little weird, as it is an indication of a life left behind. As I don't believe in heaven or hell, it's not like I'll be sitting in the afterlife thinking, "I really miss reading." But as I do believe in reincarnation, I suppose this list is more of the things that I do or don't want to experience in my next human life. It didn't take me long to finalize my list but I decided to hold off posting until it felt right. It now feels right.

So here's what I came up with:

What I Won’t Miss:	What I Will Miss:
Pantyhose	Friends and family
Hair removal (i.e., shaving, waxing, etc.)	Lotta, the wonder cat
House cleaning	My Mr. Darcy (been missing for 4 yrs & counting)
Sorting socks	Reading
Bras	Sunrises/Sunsets
Bridal showers	Spring
Baby showers	Fall
Funerals	Pride and Prejudice (book and movie)
Bills	Walking in a park
Tears	Chai tea lattes
Pain	Laughter
Cruelty of people	Movies
Winter/snow	Massages
Technology	Manis/Pedis
Lies and Liars	Chocolate croissants...or just chocolate
Fox News	Music

I also decided to come up with a list of regrets. Things that I never had a chance to experience in this life and regretfully will never have the opportunity:

Regrets:

Never had a long-term romantic relationship

Never performed on a Broadway stage

Never completed my bucket list

Never got married (I mean the ceremony)

Never got a chance to meet Colin Firth, Ralph Fiennes, or Kenneth Branagh

Never really been kissed (romantics will understand what I mean here)

Which Countries Read the Most?

Summer vacation has arrived and I am so excited because I get to spend the next couple of months reading for pleasure. I have a lengthy list of a dozen or so books to read and my plan is to get through all of them. Don't worry I won't review all of my summer reading - just the best ones.

Because I spend a good portion of my free time reading, I was curious on how my reading habits measure up to worldwide statistics. Here's what I found:

A study by the NOP World Culture Score Index compiled the responses of 30,000 individuals age 13 and older in 30 countries around the world. The data was weighted to the sampled population in each country and NOP World came up with a determination of the number of hours spent reading by individuals in these countries. The global average is 6.5 hours, but let's take a look at the breakdown by country.

Based on the responses, India is the country where people are reading the most; the average Indian citizen reads 10:42 hours per week. At the bottom end of the list is Korea who reads just slight less than Japan and Taiwan; the average Korean person reads 3:06 hours per week. The United States, which sadly is toward the bottom of the pack, reports that the average person reads 5:42 hours per week. Clearly, I am WAY above the U.S. average weekly reading hours. But I would be a rich, rich woman if I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say "I haven't read a book in years" (family, friends, colleagues) or "ever" (students)!

As the above graphic shows, the study reveals some interesting trends. First of all and rather strangely, countries located in geographic clusters report similar results. For instance, people in the Asian countries - of India, Thailand, China and the Philippines spend the most time reading. 

The southernmost nations, including Venezuela, South Africa, Australia, Indonesia, and Argentina all record similar results: 5:54 to 6:30 hours per week per person.

The Northern European and Middle Eastern countries also report similar results. Egyptians are reading about 7:30 hours per week and Saudi Arabians are reading about 6:48 hours per week. The Czech Republic, Russia, Sweden, France, and Hungary all report numbers falling in between those of Egypt and Saudi Arabia.

Another interesting finding is that the group of industrialized, first world countries including Spain, Canada, Germany, the U.S., and Italy report relatively low rates of reading. The U.S. response of 5:42 hours per week per person ties that of Germany. That rate is also just lower than those of Turkey, Spain, and Canada and just higher than that of Italy.

In addition, the drastic span of the results reported by recently developing nations including the Four Asian Tigers, India and Brazil suggests that there may not be a link between reading rates and economic development and industrialization.

Having not seen the study questions, I am uncertain of what the survey constitutes "reading". I assume that they question the reading of books and not emails, text messages, websites, etc. It should also be noted that the survey also compiled information on the amount of television watched, radio listened to, and hours spent on the internet (not for school or work purposes). The tops in those categories are, respectively: Thailand (22.4 hours), Argentina (20.8 hours), and Taiwan (12.6 hours).

History's Craziest Inventions...

Modern inventions have made our lives infinitely easier...but also they have made us incredibly lazy. The other day, as I was trying to peel a hard-boiled egg, I thought "there should be a better and easier way to peel eggs". Yes, I suppose I have become that lazy, but it started me thinking about what are some of the strange items that people have invented to hopefully make our lives easier. 

There have been millions of inventions, but I picked out the ones that I thought were the top 10 weirdest ones. These inventors were taking some seriously good drugs or were out of their minds. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Wooden Bathing Suits (1929): These suits were supposed to make swimming easier... erm... seems unlikely. They may have added a little buoyancy in the water, but they are clearly awkward and do not have nearly the buoyancy of a good old-fashioned life jacket. Just to be clear, they did have life jackets back then.

2. Car with Shovel for Pedestrians (1924): Invented in Paris, this car was designed for the purpose of "reducing the number of casualties among pedestrians". It boggles the mind how this invention was supposed to work.

3. Baby Window Cages (1922): Apparently, parenting brings out the sadist in inventors. One inventor thought it might be a good idea to get a child sun and fresh air by sticking him/her in a cage that hangs out of the window. It was designed for parents who lived in high rises. Apparently, hanging your child out to dry with the laundry far enough up in the air to make Spider-man wince was preferable to taking the little tyke for a walk.

4. Radio Stroller (1921): This stroller was equipped with a radio, including antenna and loudspeaker, to keep the baby quiet. How something with a loudspeaker that large will keep a child quiet is unfathomable. 

5. Snowstorm Mask (1939): Invented in Canada (because they know about snow), this mask was a plastic face protection for snowstorms. And it is oh so sexy for the wearer!

6. Revolver Camera (1938): Here is a Colt 38 which carries a small camera that automatically takes a picture when you pull the trigger. At the left: six pictures taken by the camera. Perfect for the hitman to keep a record of his kills and makes life easier for the police. 

7. Piano for the Bedridden (1935): This invention is pretty cool. Being stuck in bed probably gets terribly boring. What a great way to relieve boredom, but this instrument is freaky and you'd need a really big room to accommodate it.

8. Gas Resistant Stroller (1938): In England, during World War II, there was a real threat that German bombers might drop poison gas bombs. Every British civilian was issued a gas mask. It would be impossible to put a mask on a baby, so here is the solution. Weird. Looks more like a portable grill. (Tastes like chicken!)

9.  Hangover Mask (1947): This mask was designed to help Hollywood actresses fight against hangovers. It is made up of ice cubes stuck in different spots in order to cool the face. It was developed by Max Factor. The precursor to sadomasochism masks?

10. Mouse Killing Stockings (1941): In the 1940s, and apparently in every cartoon made in the early half of the 20th century, mice climbing up women’s legs was a real problem. It was so much of a problem that one inventor came up with copper stockings that would shock mice to death when they tried to climb women’s legs. The story is that the invention would not hurt the wearer. Hmmm... I’m still trying to figure out where these swarms of terrifying leg mice went.

Music Doesn't Lie - Part 33 (Lego House)

"Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music." – Jimi Hendrix

After watching last night's episode of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, I have a favorite new singer-songwriter, Ed Sheeran. If you have never heard of this musician, let me enlighten you: 

Born 17 February 1991, Sheeran is an English singer-songwriter. A multi-talented musician, Sheeran sings and play guitar, BOSS Loop Pedal RC-30, percussion, piano, and violin. "Raised in Framlingham, Suffolk, he moved to London in 2008 to pursue a musical career. In early 2011, Sheeran released an independent extended play, No. 5 Collaborations Project, which caught the attention of both Sir Elton John and Jamie Foxx. His 2011 debut album, +, containing the singles "The A Team" and "Lego House", was certified quintuple platinum in the United Kingdom. In 2012, he won two BRIT Awards for Best British Male and British Breakthrough" (Wikipedia). In 2012, he started becoming known here in the U.S. (except by me). He appeared on Taylor Swift's 4th album (not that I would know that - I don't have any Taylor Swift albums) and he has written music for One Direction. Additionally, he spent much of 2013 touring with Swift as her opening act.

For the first time in a long time, I learned about this artist fairly early on in his career. He has released only 1 studio album (+) with the second, x (read as multiply) scheduled to be released on June 23, 2014. I'm very impressed with this artist's music and love the songs that I've been ferreting out. "The A Team" tells the story of a young crack-addicted prostitute (video). It is hauntingly beautiful. Sheeran performed "Sing" last night on Fallon, which is the first release from his second album and has a kick ass video.  I love, love this song.  The end credits of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug features Sheeran's "I See Fire". I'm excited for the new release and can't wait to hear the entire album.

The song I'm featuring is from his first album, + - "Lego House". The video features an appearance by Rupert Grint ("Ron Weasley" in the Harry Potter movies) who plays Sheeran's doppelganger.  It's kind of freaky how much these two look alike. It's an awesome video. Also, I really love the lyrics to this song.

   

Toupée Or Not Toupée? That is the Question...

The answer is: NO!!!!!

I happened to take a walk around town the other day - doing a little people watching and saw a gentleman who was wearing the absolute worst hairpiece! I mean it looked like an animal had crawled onto the man's head and died! Why do men wear these ridiculous things?!

Vanity is usually attributed to women, but in my experience, that is not so. Men are just as vain. So what's the solution?  Accept what nature has given you ... or in this case, has not given you. Stop trying to "fix" something that isn't broken - this goes for the celebs too. Speaking as someone who has twice had the opportunity to sport a bald pate, it's a sexy look. I'd gladly spend the rest of my life bald! Talk about easy maintenance. What most men haven't figured out is that they actually look better when they are either bald or balding. It's certainly a better look than having a small rodent perched on your head. 

This scenario reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes:

I want to "pull-an--Elaine" whenever I see someone with a rug. But apparently that would be considered rude, so I will just have to seethe in silence whenever I see one of these pieces.