Accepting What Chaos Hands You...

Ever since I made the decision to not move forward with any further cancer treatment, I have been receiving a bevy of well meaning but mildly annoying statements - statements along the lines of: "my church is praying for a miracle for you", "miracles do happen", "take a pilgrimage to Lourdes", and such. While I appreciate the caring sentiment behind each statement, they're unrealistic and delusional.

I have a fatal disease, which, in a relatively brief amount of time, will end my life. I have accepted this news and I would like people to come to terms with the reality of life, which is that everyone has to face their demise at some point in their lives. We don't live forever (thank goodness!!).

Why are people so afraid of death? A friend of mine emailed the following sentiment to me: "Why are we taught to fight against death like it is something monstrous and horrifying when it is in fact as normal as birth?" Indeed. I couldn't agree more. She went on to say: "I applaud and deeply respect your ability to just say no to futile battles and to make the most of the time you have, filled with fun and fellowship and good times." I certainly am glad that there are people in my life who understand and support my decision without adding on the "praying for a cure/miracle" statements.

I am not and will not be looking for a cure, because there is none. I don't believe in miracles or the power of a higher being. What I believe is that everyone has a finite time on this Earth and I am close to reaching mine. I'm just happy to know roughly when my time will be up so I can enjoy whatever time I have left. Beats the proverbial 'being hit by a bus' any day. People keep telling me not to "give up", but I don't feel that I am giving up. I'm merely making a different choice than most people would make in this situation. I am choosing to embrace life AND death.

Besides I'm kind of interested in seeing what my next life will be. Time to roll the dice: come on, zoo polar bear! Although after watching the video below, I'd be okay with being a polar bear in the wild.