Brain Droppings...

Today's blog is just some general brain droppings that I wanted to get off my chest. I haven't been posting as much lately because I haven't been anywhere or done anything interesting or significant. While I had indicated that I was going to continue to travel by completing day trips from Philadelphia, I haven't been able to go anywhere for a couple of reasons.

First, the weather has only now just begun to be conducive to outdoor activities, like sightseeing. But that's not the real reason I haven't been traveling.

My old friend, Pain, has refused to leave me alone since arriving back in Philadelphia. You see, I go to bed with the idea that I'll get up the next day and go do something interesting/fun/entertaining/informative, etc. What I end up doing is spending most of the night being woken up by Pain every couple of hours. The pain medication that my doctor has put me on doesn't really work very well. It'll dull it for a couple of hours but then Pain comes roaring back, stronger than ever -- and a good couple of hours before I can take the next dose. I then spend the next hour or so trying to ignore Pain before giving in a taking the next dosage before I should. After a night of restless sleep and weeping due to this annoying little bugger, I get up, vomit from lingering Pain, take another dosage of meds and finally lay on my brother's couch and nap the morning away. By the time the afternoon rolls around I have zero energy to go and do anything. Plus Pain is still being a pain in the arse. I'm not loving my current situation.

But I have discovered something about myself: I am not a masochist. So, you know, that's something. Whenever I think about masochists, I always remember a scene from the musical film, Little Shop of Horrors. In the scene, masochist Arthur Denton (played brilliantly by Bill Murray) visits dentist Orin Scrivello (Steve Martin) and gets a painful thrill of a lifetime (see video below). The scene, of course, is fictional but there are people in this world who find pain to be a turn on. As I'm not one to cast aspersions on other people's interests, all you masochists out there I say "enjoy", but don't look for me at your parties.

Personally, I would give everything I own to rid myself of Pain. I remember my mother once saying when my dad was dealing with leukemia was that "at least he wasn't in pain." Sadly, this genetic marker is one that skipped me by.

Additionally, I have concluded that the likelihood of my traveling to the west coast is probably slim to none. The odds that I can withstand a five and a half hour flight to Los Angeles are pretty low; let alone getting my oncologist to agree to the trip. New York City is another questionable visit simply because I'm not certain I have the stamina for New York, but I'll have to think upon that one. I still would like to make a final trip to Massachusetts to see my students and friends up there. Even though it's a six hour drive, I can make stops along the way and take my time getting there.

All in all these past couple of months have been (and the upcoming months promise to be) physically exhausting and painful; and I'm over it. I would like for someone else to take on this burden please. Anyone, anyone? <sigh> I suppose there won't be any takers for that request and I don't blame you. Cancer is not very glamorous. Therefore, I will continue to muddle through.