The Grieving Process is a Lengthy, and Sometimes Annoying, One!

I suppose almost everyone goes through the grieving process at some point in their lives. In fact, I assume most people go through it several times in their lives, but what happens if you feel like you got stuck in one of the steps for far too long. Does that mean that you'll never move past that step or does it mean that you're just stuck in an incredibly long painful process? Just to remind everyone about the 5 stages of grief:

1.  Denial: The "no, this can't be happening to me" phase.

2.  Anger: The "Why me? It's not fair" stage.

3.  Bargaining: The "I will give anything to have this person back" step.

4.  Depression: The "I'm so sad because I miss them" stage.

5.  Acceptance: The "It's going to be okay" phase.

According to Psych Central, the grieving process does not always go in this specific order, but it is a good baseline to go by.

Therefore, I ask you: what do you do when you feel like you've been stuck in one phase for way too long? Is there anything that can be done to get yourself unstuck?  I have several instances of this exact phenomenon.  There are three particular events for which I am perpetually stuck in the "Anger" phase: the 2000 Presidential election (really angry at the Supreme Court), the 2001 World Series (how could Mariano Rivera blow the final game?), and the 2004 ALCS playoffs (seriously, Yankees! Up 3 games to none and can't close it out!).  Okay, okay, those examples are probably not the most serious, nor are they the ones that ruin my sleep and cause me to cry far too much. 

There is one past relationship that I feel like I've been stuck in the "Depression" phase for approximately 3 years now. I went through the denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance phases at various times, but I can't really seem to get out of the sadness phase when it comes to this specific relationship. I'm not saying that I'm in a deep depression, I'm not. I'm just generally sad whenever this person pops into my brain, which is far more often that I care to admit. At one point in my life, this person was extremely important and even though it's been years since we've had any sort of friendship, I still cannot get past the breakdown and loss of the relationship. I sincerely feel like I will never be able to move past this particular relationship and the sadness will hang around my neck like a dead albatross.

Therefore, I'm wondering if anyone else has this problem. Do you have relationships or events that just stick in your craw for far too long and takes up so much energy and time in dealing with the grieving process? Or am I just a unique individual? How do you handle the grieving process? 

Of course the mention of an albatross makes me think of Monty Python:

Got Downton Withdrawal??

Do you sit at home just wondering about season 4 of Downton Abbey and eagerly anticipating the start of the new season? There are several things you could do to offset your Downton Abbey withdrawal. You could read a book which reminds you of that era - Remains of the Day comes to mind.  Or you could go back and watch seasons 1-3 while you're waiting for January 2014 to roll around. Or how about this: Downton Abbey parodies. I have come across some wonderfully funny parodies of this beloved show and thought I'd share them with my fellow Downton Abbey fans.  A few of them are a little long, but well worth the time spent. Enjoy!

1.  Downton Abbey at 54 below:  Have you ever thought about Downton Abbey, the Musical? No! Well, then check out this video:

2.  Jimmy Fallon's Downton Sixbey:  Here's Jimmy Fallon's take on our favorite English aristocrats and their servants. This is episode 1, but you can see all 5 episodes on Late Night's YouTube channel.

3.  Sesame Street's Upside Downton Abbey:  This is really adorable! I mean you've got Muppets and Downton Abbey.  Maybe it'll get our littlest ones interested in Downton.

4.  Breaking Abbey: Is there anything better than combining Downton Abbey with my new obsession Breaking Bad? I think not.  This hilarious parody includes stars from the show: Hugh Bonneville, Jim Carter, and Rob James-Collier.  (You can see a better quality version on The Colbert Report website.)

5.  "Downtown" Abbey with Sean Combs: This video is from Funny or Die and is just hilarious! Sean Combs talks about how he was the first black character on Downton Abbey and proves it with video. Check it out:

I hope these videos will help you get through the next few months until the return of Downton Abbey.

New Chemo Side Effect!

Just when you think chemotherapy can't get more glamorous, lo and behold, it does! I guess this time around with chemo, I'm going to get all the side effects, not just a few. Chaos has decided to throw a new side effect into the ring - mouth sores!  Yeah, it's not like I have anything else to deal with right now.

For the past couple of days, I've been having some pain issues with the soft tissue in my mouth, but I figured it would pass. Yeah, not so much. All of a sudden, today, I felt like my lower lip had puffed up, so I went to take a look in the mirror. What did I see? My bottom lip looks like someone clocked me in the mouth! I decided to call the oncologist on call this weekend to discuss this new symptom. As I was speaking with the answering service, I noticed that I was sounding like Mike Tyson after going 10 rounds with Muhammed Ali.  So yeah, as annoying as this side effect is, it's kind of hilarious at the same time.

Why does chemotherapy cause mouth sores?

"Chemotherapy...can cause mouth sores...because [chemo is] intended to kill rapidly growing cells - such as cancer cells. Some healthy cells in the body also divide and grow rapidly, including the cells that line the inside of the mouth. Unfortunately these healthy cells are also damaged by chemotherapy...Damage to the cells in the mouth makes it difficult for the mouth to heal itself and to fend off germs, leading to sores and infections."  (MayoClinic.com)

After a consult with the on call oncologist and a chat with the super nice pharmacist at my local CVS, I came home with a prescription for oral lidocaine (an anesthetic) and Biotene dry mouth oral rinse, which should help with the symptoms and pain. Additionally, I'm starting to think that I've got one in my esophagus, which should make for an interesting time when eating.

I'm a little bummed this happened because today is my school's homecoming dance and, as the Freshman class faculty advisor, I was committed to attending the dance as a chaperone. Due to this new side effect and the fact that talking is a chore, I am forced to stay home. Strangely enough, I was kind of looking forward to attending the dance. Oh well, there's always next year... unless... well... you know.

The Best Underrated Female Vocalists...

Everyone knows the names of what many consider to be some of the top famous female vocalists; names like Aretha Franklin (truly love!), Etta James (love!), Adele (like), Christina Aguilera (indifferent), Whitney Houston (dislike), Celine Dion (truly dislike with a red hot fiery passion), and a whole host of other all-star singers. But who are the best "little known" female vocalists? I was thinking about this question as I was driving today listening one of my favorite female vocalists (Nancy LaMott). I decided to come up with my list of favorite little known or underrated female singers. For me, what constitutes a great female singer is less about how great the voice is (which the ladies on my list all have fabulous voices), but it's also about their commitment to their lyrics. It's not just about "how big and beautiful is my voice" (Celine!) but about the nuances of what their songs are saying!

Here are my top 5 singers in no particular order:

1.  Eva Cassidy: I can't remember who exactly introduced me to this woman, but I am so glad they did. Eva was an extremely talented singer - an "American vocalist and guitarist known for her interpretations of jazz, blues, folk, gospel, country and pop classics". Sadly she passed away in 1996 from melanoma at the young age of 33. Most of her albums have been released posthumously and my favorite album is Songbird. I just adore her cover of Sting's "Fields of Gold".

2.  Liz Callaway: This singer comes from my musical theatre background. Liz "is an American actress and singer, famous for providing the singing voices of many female characters in films" and has performed in many of Stephen Sondheim's must famous musicals. She has the voice of an angel. I have two of her albums, The Beat Goes On and The Story Goes On.  My favorite song is one that I loved so much that I used it in my own cabaret show - "You There in the Back Row". 

3.  Idina Menzel: Another vocalist from my musical theatre background, Idina has an amazingly powerful and rich voice. "She rose to prominence for her performance as Maureen Johnson in the Broadway musical Rent, a role which she reprised for the 2005 feature film adaptation. In 2004, she won the Tony Award for originating the role of Elphaba in the Broadway blockbuster Wicked." Idina released a solo album, I Stand, in 2008 which has such beautiful music. My favorite song from that album: "Brave".

4.  Katherine Jenkins: I first learned about this vocalist through her guest appearance on The Graham Norton Show. Popular in the UK, Katherine "is a Welsh lyric mezzo-soprano. She is a popular classical-crossover singer who performs across a spectrum of operatic arias, popular songs, musical theatre and hymns."  Arguably the best technical singer on my list, I am completely jealous of this singer's voice and abilities! I only have one of her albums, Believe. The music is just stunning and hers is a voice that comes around very rarely. My favorite song of hers is "Bring Me To Life".

5.  Nancy LaMott:  This singer comes from my cabaret years. Considered by many to be one of the best cabaret singers of all time, Nancy "was a singer, popular on the New York City cabaret circuit in the 1990s. LaMott performed twice at the White House for President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton." Sadly, Nancy passed away in 1995 from uterine cancer at the age of 43. On December 13, 1995, a little more than an hour before she died, Nancy and her boyfriend married - with Nancy in her hospital bed. Killer story! LaMott released 5 albums before she passed away and my favorite is Listen to My Heart. I have a hard time choosing my favorite song from this album, but there are two that are very close to my heart for personal reasons and make me weep every time I hear them, so I decided to post both videos:

"Listen to my Heart":

"Out of This World/So in Love":

Do you have a favorite lesser known/underrated female vocalist?  Let me know!

No More Settling for Less!

Love Maureen Dowd!!

Why do people consistently settle for less? This question just boggles my mind! People settle into the less than perfect career, the less than perfect relationship, the less than perfect life! Well, I say no more! There's a conclusion I've come to over the past few months of cancer treatment - DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS!  We all have a finite time on this Earth so why must we be less than happy in our choices? That's the key to this whole discussion - it's our choices that make us who we are.  Obviously, we don't have control over all the events of our lives, but I believe that we do exert much more influence than we think because we have the power of choice.

I have decided that I'm tired of settling for less. Through a recent conversation with a friend, I was reminded that I am an amazing, thoughtful, caring, intelligent person who wants and, quite frankly, deserves more out of her life. I want that relationship to be what I want it to be, not what someone else wants it to be. I want my career to be what I want it to be, not what others believe it should be. My life should be as I want it to be. I deserve no less than perfection in my life - or at least what is my definition of perfection. Therefore, I have come to the following decision: if it's not up to the standards of what I believe I deserve, then I will not have it at all. I'd rather have nothing than settle for less that I want and deserve. Half a relationship is no relationship. A third of a career is a career not worth saving.

I believe that everyone should take this same stance. Will it be easy? Perhaps! I suppose it depends on what you're looking for out of this world. All I know, is that whether I have a year, ten years, or fifty years left on the pretty blue and green planet, I want them to be amazing - so settling is not an option!  

 

Who is with me??

Whatever Happened to Gentility and Goodness?

I'm certain that I've talked about this issue before, but I just need to get something off my mind. Okay, I get it. I'm a throw back to days long gone. I actually believe that people should be honest, good, and kind to each other and I'm often shocked and saddened when people aren't. 

I'll give you a recent example that kills my soul. I was getting ready to teach a class the other day, when a student (not one of mine) decides to disrupt my class in order to say "hello" to his friend. When I explained to this student that he needed to stop interrupting my class and leave, he called me a "f***-ing bitch"!!  I naturally had to bring this matter up to the Vice Principal and the student ended up with in-house detention for 2 days. Now, I didn't know this student but it just boggles the mind that he thought that was an acceptable response.

This kind of behavior has become the norm and it makes me sad for the future of the world. I would like to go back anywhere from 60 to 200 years when people were good, honest, kind, nice, and genteel - or at least they seemed to be. I'm tired fighting and clawing my way through this world. What do I want? I want Sir Walter Raleigh. I want Gandhi. I want Joe DiMaggio. I want Gene Kelly - singing in the rain. I'll even take Santa Claus right now! I want people to stop being mean to each other. I want people to be courteous and respectfully honest with each other.

Yeah, okay, I know - I also want the sun, the moon, and the stars. I'm not going to get any of these things, because the world doesn't seem to care about niceties anymore. So I will just go along and hope for the best in people, but fully expect the worse! Okay, I've had my say.  

Here's what I would like: for everyone to take 2 minutes out of your hectic day to say something really nice to another person - even if it's a complete stranger!

MasterChef Junior - Pleasantly Delightful!

I admit it - I'm a huge fan of MasterChef, the competitive cooking reality series. I don't much care for most reality TV, but, being a huge fan of Gordon Ramsay, when MasterChef debuted in 2010, I knew it was a "must see" for me. Toward the end of this past season's series, Fox kept showing premiers for MasterChef Junior, a children's version of MasterChef, and I was hesitant about watching this new permutation of the series. I wasn't concerned that Gordon, Graham Elliot, and Joe Bastianich would be as vicious to these little urchins as they are to the adult contestants - they are parents themselves after all.  No, my concern was that these kids would turn out to be little monsters and have some of the bad behaviors that the adults exhibit in the regular series. During this past season, I wanted to gouge out the eyes of Season 4 contestant, Krissi who was the most obnoxious, foul-mouthed bully ever to disgrace a television show.

Happily, I was wrong. This show is a sheer delight! Yes, there is one little girl who I find to be a bit annoying when she gets excited and starts screaming with this freakishly high pitched voice, but otherwise, I am pleasantly surprised by this series. For one thing, these kids are cooking some of the most amazing looking dishes which as an adult, I couldn't even pull off. The contestants' ages range from 9-13 and often impress me (and the three judges) with their culinary skills. Two, the judges are the most supportive of these little chefs and give them solid and complementary critiques. They never debase the kids. Lastly, the kids are just really, really cute, respectful, and polite.

All in all, I am so glad that I decided to watch this show. I amazed at these kids and I am looking forward to the final few weeks and seeing who is crowned the winner of MasterChef Junior.

Update on 11/9/13:  A big congratulations to Alexander - the 13 year old MasterChef Junior winner. It did not come as a big surprise as "Big Al" was probably the strongest contestant throughout the competition. Really impressive finale and season.